Ketchup

Its time for a big state-of-the-nation catchup blog I think. For one reason or another I have been captured by the dubious charms of Facebook in recent months. I could rave on about how busy I have been yadda yadda but in fact I have no excuses. FB does have the very enjoyable aspect of instant feedback, and an audience for your writing which is narrower but a lot less mysterious.

However now I am addressing myself to you guys, in Saskatchewan, Springvale, Switzerland and South Sudan. How are you all going?

It’s nearly winter here now. I have a photo taken on February 28, 2002, showing the poplars turning yellow. (I know the date because it was the day Marcus was born). This photo has led me to thinking that is when the colours will change every year, but I realise now that must have been an early autumn.

Marcus will be at high school next year, which freaks me out considerably. Last week he and Elf and I were escorted on a tour of his prospective high school by a couple of very nice and well-adjusted Grade 8 kids. I don’t know when this species evolved, it wasn’t abroad on the earth when I was at high school.

The school was well-scrubbed and a lot of it seems very new. Like most schools in the country they got a bunch of funding under the Building The Education Revolution program. Now all the headlines about rorts and delays have faded away, we are left with what seems to be some very good education infrastructure.

Co-incidentally, the very same day we toured Taroona High, we were invited to a ceremony at New Town High, (the alternative high school option). Michael did very well in his NAPLAN tests last year (as did Marcus) and he was given a certificate, along with about 100 other kids from the south of Tasmania who either topped the school, came in the top 1%, or did both.

The government claim that NAPLAN is not about league tables of school v school, and they may really believe that. However when you have to sit through a very long presentation in a large hall, your mind does turn to the schools whose top performer is outside the top 1% and think - hmmm. If I was principal of such a school, especially if it was a medium-to-large one, I would feel this was exposing me to criticism.

Minister for Education Nick McKim congratulates future archaeologist/slapstick comedian Michael Rees.

We have been lucky to have a lot of family around lately. My sister Jacki visited Hobart for a week from NSW, and stayed with Mum and Dad over the river. She had a great time with them, and managed to get around to a lot of the best things to see. We had several dinners and get-togethers, and managed to get a sibling photo with Sally - these summit meetings only happen about every 3-5 years.

Jacki, me and Sally.

For comparison,  here we are in about 1980 (with our carroty cousins).

Jacki and Dad and I also went to the footy up in Launceston a few Sundays back. It was a gorgeous day (we are having a lot of that at the moment), and although I don't have a great interest in either Hawthorn or GWS Giants, it was a pretty good game. Just nice to spend time together too. Jacki lives at Smiths Lake on the mid-north coast of NSW, and its a major operation getting to or from there to Tasmania.

Moments after Jacki went home, Fred arrived from Canberra to spend a week with us, to celebrate his birthday. Again it was all dinners and outings for a while. The boys and their cousins were hanging off him most of the time.

We are only very occasional Skype-rs, and fired up the camera on the Smart TV to call Chonk and Irma in Switzerland while we had Fred with us. It's fantastic to have a full family-on-family gathering at such a distance. They have now replaced their laptop-based skype setup with a camera on top of the big TV like we have, and it s a different experience altogether.

We all had a big day out at Richmond on Sunday - lunch at the pub, getting lost in the big maze, and then a few hours at Zoodoo. I have just found an excellent setting on the camera that enables me to fill the card with bad photos in mere seconds. This lion was standing up staring mystically into the distance, well, towards Launceston actually.

In other miscellaneous news, Marcus's school soccer team just had their first win of the year, which will hopefully be the first of many. I coached his team last year, but this year I found someone else to take training, so I am only responsible on game day. A few of last year's players were ratbags who took up a lot of my time at the expense of the rest of the kids, and they have moved on or dropped out this year, so it's a good deal more rewarding.

Marcus is still playing for the Hobart Central Region representative team - the next tournament is in a bit over a week up in Devonport, They had a friendly game on Sunday morning against a Northern Suburbs rep team. It was pretty even for the first ten minutes, then Marcus (who plays in defence) scored the first goal, after coming up for a corner kick. After that everyone lost count - it was something like 12-0 in the end I think.

50th birthday preview

This is what my 50th birthday is going to be like. Everyone better start practising now -you have less than 5 years to get loose and funky.

Fraught scenes at Table 1

I am at a school chess tournament. Marcus has been very excited about it, as last year’s top players were all Grade Sixers, and they have moved into the senior category, leaving him as (he hopes) top dog. Unfortunately he has already lost one of his 4 games, and there were a few tears. He is a lot more resilient than he once was, but he still expects a lot of himself. The team started well but have drifted to equal 4th, hopefully a good final round might get us into the medals.

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Well, that was exciting. We were pretty much out of it with one round to go, but managed to sneak in for 3rd place! Most of the team picked up bronze medals - the top 4 scorers get them, and if a few are equal 4th they all get them.

Marcus came equal 2nd overall. His last game was on the top table against the eventual winner. It finished in a controversial draw when she walked out, and said she couldn't play as there were too many people crowding around the table. This crowding always happens with long games on the top tables - players who have finished their games congregate and watch, not always quietly. I'm disappointed the organisers didn't look after the situation a bit better - last game on table 1 should always have a referee/arbiter keeping an eye on it.

Marcus was furious because he had just taken a big advantage in the game when his opponent took a stress break. I can't testify to what happened, as I always stay away from his games, but no-one has said that he did anything wrong. But when the other player came back in, the tournament organiser had a little conference, asked Marcus to apologise to her, and declared it a draw.

Of course its not easy running these things, and I am happy to accept the umpire's decision (although its not the decision I would have made.) In the moment I was determined not to be Ugly Chess Dad, so I just went along with things. But now I wish I had just asked "What exactly is he apologising for?"

Hobart Cup 2013

I half-heard some after-school news from Elf while I was sitting here with the sandwich-sized laptop. Someone had said something about the venue for soccer on Saturday. I googled it to verify - hmmm, rosters are not online yet. "Marcus has the roster in his schoolbag!" Which is downstairs. Hmm, maybe if I google again? Nup - still not online. Sigh.

School went back today after 2 weeks of holidays. I enjoyed a break from being soccer coach and school chess guy, both of which will now resume.

The last 2 days we supported Marcus and Central Region's U/11s at the Hobart Cup soccer tournament. They had a few close games, won 3 out of 4 but lost the one that counted against Launceston, who took the Cup home (in their hearts - the Cup has no actual cup). Elf and I are like chalk and cheese at a soccer match - she doesn't really like to watch and never says anything. I am glued to the action throughout and yell my head off. Our team manager was summoned for a dressing down yesterday morning because he and some of our parents were a bit vocal during the Launceston game, and the young ref was quite upset by the end. I feel pretty bad about it, as I hate to be seen to be just whingeing when we are losing. He didn't do a great job though, and the organisers gave him even younger ref's assistants so he didn't have a lot of help.

Marcus copped a ball in the face a number of times, close range goalkicks to the torso, a kick in the back when he was on the ground, had a clash of heads ... that's the way he plays. The manager loves him as he always bounces to his feet and gets back into it. I love it too but Elf ... I think she'd be happier if he was playing tennis.

Towel news

It’s taken 45 years, but I have achieved this: I own two bathrooms, and they are adorned with matching hand towels. I consider this a base camp from which I may ascend to even greater heights of manchester co-ordination.

Beating the system

I am a fond wearer of shorts. There are people (whose opinion I usually respect) who would feel this puts me in the category of Schlub. They are welcome to their opinons. All I can say is I have big legs that do not ever feel all that comfortable in jeans, and I am just not ready to adopt voluminous harem pants. Yet.

My shorts always wear out in the same spot - where the creases form across the top of the thigh. I should say that these are always "cargo" style shorts. I am just comfortable in that length of short - the over-pockettage I just ignore.

Due to my complete lack of hips I need my shorts to have a drawstring. And it's been getting harder and harder to find them. They are all elastic-waist or have belt loops - as if I am going to wear a belt with shorts. What do they think I am - an axe murderer?

So I have been wearing my old scraggy torn-through-the-creases shorts while walking the streets of this town (which is actually oversupplied with pants shops) searching for a new pair. Is there anything sadder than a scraggy-shorts-wearing middle-aged man, on a Tuesday morning, wandering through Glasser and Parker running his hand around the waistline of pair after pair after pair of shorts? No.

So I gave in, and bought a pair with an elasticise... no I can't even type it. And for the last month I have hitched them up every 25 minutes - that’s about 1700 times.

Last night I finally beat the system. I took the drawstring out of an old pair (I keep the torn ones for 6 - 8 years as you do) and surgically inserted it into the waist of the new ones. And I do not say "surgically" without cause. I started the night before at about 10.30pm - tired, poor light, cranky. I had a paperclip and a scalpel blade, one of those curved ones - to use as a quik-unpik and to slice through obstructing layers of short. I was holding it in my hand because my scalpel was .. uh .. so tired. You know?

I could have used better tools if I had been bothered to go find them, but I wasn’t. This session ended with the paperclip hopelessly lost in Quadrant 5 of the waistband, and blood on the floor. And on the shorts. The new shorts.

Last night I decided to return to the fray. I had Michael’s head-torch, a proper craft knife, pliers to get the paperclip into an efficient shape, and steely determination. It took a little while but it was SO much easier and I didn’t even once consider calling an ambulance.

I am now proudly wearing my improved shorts, and I will be able to get out of the car without hitching up my pants like a Maurie Fields.

Boast

Why not funnel your spare cash in my direction??

I have been throwing everything into the t-shirt designs of late. Proper work has been thin on the ground, and  I have found over time that the best way to keep myself up and switched on is to make up a work project.

So far I have three themes (that might be familiar to you from the blog) - footy, imaginary cars and popes. I have been a bit ambitious - I decided to draw the 23 popes named John. Then this new bloke Francis popped up so I had to draw him too. For the footy shirts I am drawing one player each from the golden era of the 12-team VFL - and I'm about halfway through.

I ordered one myself so I could be reassured about the quality - it arrived yesterday and it looks fantastic!

These guys took me a while but I'm pretty happy with how they came out.

I must apologise for turning the blog into a long-running ad for my shirts. But having sunk a lot of effort in the designing, I now need to Move Units. It's a little like joining Amway - I am starting to see all my friends and family and blog-readers as Potential Customers.

Rest assured I still love you all, even if you don't buy any of my beautiful shirts,cards, posters etc.

And now I will blog about something else for a change.

Correct Heading, No link Provided

Correct Heading, No link Provided

Bones revisited

I have gone literally gone back to the drawing board. What thinkest? If you like it, go to my little t-shirt sales site and comment, make it a favourite, buy a card or postcard, of it or even a shirt.

Ribbons aplenty

Yesterday was the school athletics carnival - the biggest day in any house captain's year. Marcus got off to a great start with the pre-carnival events, that they run around the school during the week prior. He won both the Grade 6 1500m and 800m. 

Michael has carved out a niche as the novelty event specialist. people still talk with awe of his win in the Grade 2 Monkey Race. Yesterday he cleaned up the Grade 4 Sack Race and looked a certainty for the Egg & Spoon before mislaying the ovum in the last 5 metres.

Marcus made a clean sweep of the 100m, 200m and 400m, all pretty comfortably. I was there for his 200m and he ran like he was going for a record, (even though they don't bother timing anything). He was perhaps 40m ahead of the next finisher, and giving it everything plus the kitchen sink. It was great to watch him captaining. The kids seem to respect him and he stays fairly calm and get done what he needs to get done. 

I said to him yesterday how pleased I was that he had stood for the house captaincy. If he hadn't tried for it, and then had come out and won every race, he would look a little like he had dodged it. I am terribly proud of him and of Michael too, for throwing himself into the carnival even though its not quite his thing.

Elevenses

The birthday season wears me out so much that I can sometimes be premature in celebrating its end. I was ahead of the game this year, forgetting that my first-born child would have his birthday on the last day of February.

And so it came to pass. He's eleven! He had a quite mature party, with just two guests and the three of us, upstairs at the a local cafe. This place is the home of the monster fluffy pancake served with ice cream and a large bowl of berry sauce - effectively runny jam. To see four of those being wolfed down is a bit unsettling. They just disappeared.

We bought Marcus a Nintendo 3DS. He had an second-hand one a few years ago and lost it - actually dropped it in a swamp on Bruny Island. He was very remorseful and has never asked for a new one, even though we know he missed the old one very much.

Now we are back to the once-familiar sight of Marcus walking around glued to this tiny thing, talking to it (some of the games are sound-sensitive) and hearing it boink, bong and bark like a dog in response.

Bones on the phone

This starts with a great Aussie photographer, Rennie Ellis. I have seen his books before, full of observational street photography documenting Australia in the 70s and 80s. I became aware of an online gallery of his work last year, and saw this image of a Richmond cult hero, Robbie "Bones" McGhie. This is Grand Final Day 1974, I assume before the match. Bones calms the nerves with a quick durrie.  There is a corresponding post-match pic of Bones downing a can of Vic Bitter. He was quite the lad. I remember his footy card very well as being one of only maybe 2 or 3 that showed tattoos. Kevin Murray is the other one who leaps to mind.

So I thought  - what a great image, maybe it would make a good t-shirt?

Before I did anything with it I want to get approval from the photographer's estate and the subject. I am still waiting to hear from Rennie's people (he died in his sixties in 2003). I found an email for Bones, and sent the design to him for comment yesterday.

He rang me this morning! He's 61 now, still smoking. In fact he started a business manufacturing and distributing those waist-high ashtray bollards. He was affable, said he thought the design was OK and to do whatever I liked. I was a bit blown away, and said I thought it was a great photo. He said yes, he thought so too. And I imagined he was busy with his bollards and his sports-strapping-tape business so I let him go.

But - I have to call him back. He's a dual premiership Tiger! I've got to pester him with some questions about the big games he played in, and being coached by Tom Hafey (one of my all-round heroes in life). Leyton Hewitt's dad once played for Richmond and allegedly left after an altercation with Bones in the carpark. True?

Anyway, I now have BONES McGHIE in my mobile address book. Do you think he would mind if I started texting him during Richmond games like I do every other Tiger supporter I know?

Captains courageous

On Friday Marcus came home from school and announced that he was standing for house captain. He's in grade 6 this year, top of the school, and these kind of things will come up through the year. His good buddies Xavier and Ned were also standing. Ned got into minor strife for handing out lollies to the little kids.

We helped Marcus write a speech for today. Our neighbour Adrian is in Grade 6 at another school, and he was elected house captain last week. He had a cracking speech written down, which he gave us for inspiration. As Marcus's opponents were his good friends we suggested he say something like "All of these guys would make great house captains but I hope you'll vote for me".

The staff thought his speech was great - I think the magnanimosity went down very well. The students must have thought so too - he was elected! Lana from next door (the other side) was elected as Marcus's co-captain, so we have three captains in a row here. That is a lot of leadership crammed into one paddling pool.

Lana may regret some of her campaign promises. She undertook to pick up anyone who is struggling in the cross country run on her magic carpet.

Lincoln - some errors

I mentioned Lincoln the other day and got one big thing wrong. Tommy Lee Jones plays Thaddeus Stevens, not Steven A. Douglas. Please, calm your seething - it could have happened to anybody who has an inflated idea of their command of American history, as I do.

However - something serious that the filmmakers got wrong is that they show Connecticut voting against the Emancipation Proclamation. Connecticut have apparently demanded this be fixed before the DVD is released.

I think it would be nice if this could be done by having famous Connecticutian and rapper, 50 Cent, do a pimp roll onto the set in a really poor attempt at 1850s costume. When the speaker says "Connecticut?" 50 Cent says "You know it, Wiggy".

Symphony under the stars and a few gatecrashing planets

Most people know that some of the brightest stars are, in fact, planets. This is something I am always forgetting. About a week ago I was marvelling at a bright star that was snuggled right up to the dark side of the moon. I later found out that was Jupiter.

Last night we took the boys to Symphony Under the Stars, and again, as the first "stars" came out I was completely oblivious that they were Venus, Mars and the Big J. It was at lovely Tolosa Park where we have been to various daytime events. People bring picnics and rugs etc. Many bought folding chairs, but unless you are early enough to score a patch on the terraces, I don't think they work that well on a steep slope. We went for simple couch cushions.

The Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra were in good form on some popular chunes. They played Jupiter from Holst's Planets, which was followed by some discussion of the planets visible, the chief of which was in fact the Jupester.

We haven't been to this gig before so I don't know if there is always a featured vocalist, but we thought the music was most enjoyable when she was out the back changing her frock. The boys were mugging about with cushions over their ears when she sang, and there was certainly a touch of the Madame Castafiore* about her. You could imagine glasses exploding.
*Tintin reference.

One of the less-immediately-lovable bloke-in-a-suit characters is RACT Cube Man. He came out to wave a bit. Christopher Lawrence who was MC-ing asked Cube Man a few questions but he is a very private cube and not much was forthcoming.

We enjoyed it despite the chanteuse, and our distance from the action. Next year get there early, and take the binoculars and the star map.

Break point, out by the biohazard bins

Cam and I had a game of tennis yesterday morning - my first in a few years. We went down to the uni where we last played, but they are only admitting members on the courts now. Pretty crummy. Even if you are prepared to buy a membership you have to do a 20 minute orientation tour, and then still pay by the hour for the court.

We left in a huff, and tried our luck at the old court behind St Johns Hospital in South Hobart. I've seen people playing there - I've always assumed they must be staff. But we went in to reception and asked.Well, actually the ladies were too busy to ask, so we just stood there in our sports gear with our racquets and assumed they would twig what we were after. When the phone stopped ringing for a few seconds someone found us a key - and asked for $3! Surely it costs the hospital more than that just to have their reception staff interrupted.

With a bit of exaggeration I can see a comedy bit in this. Pompous over-serious tennis player jogging on the spot while he waits for someone to notice him, stretching and then eventually opening a can and practising his ball-toss. Meanwhile medical emergencies of ever-increasing seriousness play out behind him.

The hospital is pretty old, and it has grown in fits and starts, so it's a rabbit warren. It was founded as a homeopathic hospital in 1899. Out the back behind the coach-house (which now contains specialists rooms) are some sheds, the biohazard bins, piles of rusting rubbish and a neglected tennis court.We enquired in one of the worksheds and borrowed a spade and broom, and dealt with the tufts of grass growing down the tramlines.

Eventually we were up and running. Cam is a much better player than I - I hardly made a first serve all day. Yet he made more errors than me and ended up losing his usual steely focus. I won the first set and was up 3-1 in the second when we abandoned the match. It was just too hot and we had to play indoor soccer later in the day so we were saving our legs. (We lost soccer 5-4 so we should have quit tennis sooner).

Qwerty!

Again, I am writing merely to announce that I have a new laptop. How thrilling, I hear you exclaim.In fact, it is (again) a borrowed laptop with a teeny tiny keyboard. And its not a Mac. So, expect quite a few blog posts with a vaguely peeved undertone.

Ha ha.only kidding.Although my mouse button seems to have two distinct personalities and that will take a little bit of getting used to.

AFL 2103 - scrying the entrails

Premiers: West Coast
Runners Up: Collingwood
Rest of the top 8: Sydney, Adelaide, Hawthorn, Geelong, Fremantle, Richmond
Wooden Spoon: Melbourne
Brownlow Medal: Scott Pendlebury, Collingwood
Coleman Medal: Jack Darling, West Coast (67)
Richmond Outlook: In the mix with Freo, Essendon, North and Carlton for unwinnable 7th and 8th spots. To just see them in a final would be amazing for Marcus who was born after their great finals run of 2001.

Reality-challenged hatters

Well - what’s the euphemism for mad nowadays? Socially-excluded troubled-behaviours hatters?

It matters not. We had a theme, we had some kids, we had some parents, we had a lot of food (including 3 or 4 pints of not-quite right icing) and we partied-down. To celebrate Michael's 9th birthday of some 3 weeks ago. 

Elf organised everything and made the sensational cake. Sally made a rainbow cake for Arthur a few months back, and I connected the dots thinking Elf copied that. In fact she didn’t even see that cake, this was simply great cake minds thinking alike. 

The shindig went well! Thanks to Imp for the lend of the chocolate fountain and to the weather for being stonking. Childers repaired to the pool to shout and douse each other, adults hung around the shady deck and stretched the party into a practically all-day event, and in so doing mopped up the excess food. 

We are tired but happy, as another year’s party season honks to a close.