Friday, August 23, 2013

Graney and I workshop a Neighbours script over Twitter

Back story to this: Australian music legend Dave Graney once appeared on Neighbours as himself. He punched Toadie and had a scene packed with sexual tension with Susan. I must look this up on YouTube as I think last time I watched Neighbs Bouncer the Dog was still going strong. Today Dave mentioned he had watched the show recently and menacing widescreen apocalyptic storytellers The Drones were on the soundtrack. BTW I am @4boat on the tweets.

@davegraney:  #neighbours is having a  #whoshotJR kinda storyline.Last night the music bed was by #THEDRONES . Appalled!

@4Boat:   So @davegraney its OK to languidly play yourself on Neighbours but not just lay down a menacing groove in the wings? Dubble standards fella.

@davegraney:  yes, I do broadcast in stereo.I manifested physically on neighbours, beat up Toadie and stroked Susans hand.(sex) Top that #THEDRONES

@4Boat: I am assuming the @neighbours plotline is going to go in a super bleak set-fire-to-a-hobo kinda direction.

@davegraney: They've had an illegal poker game in a  deserted building for weeks.Now ROBBO is dead.Quite an unconvincing villain...

@4Boat: #thedrones move in next door to Susan, ask her to join their barefoot bowls team. Gareth is a harsh skip, they fall out. *twang*

‏@davegraney:  a new nude mens calendar launch at LASSITERS.Kyle books #THEDRONES .They bum everybody out so they leave.The band  eat all the cakes.

@4Boat: Out on baking Erinsborough plains Toadie is tied up in shed. Exterior: Mike Noga rides up, @davegraney in sidecar. Has boltcutters. *twaang*

@davegraney:  why am I in the sidecar? No!Dan Luscombe is in there.Barely fitting in the cab due to his height.Feet sticking out comically.

@4Boat: Audience are stunned - its that bloke who clocked Toad in 2007! Richard Clapton! HE'S BACKKK. Unfinished business. *manic cello*

@davegraney: I only like a lone harmonica when I'm silhoutted against the sunset on the hills overlooking #ERINSBOROUGH like that. #shitgettinreal

@4Boat:  This town *spits* It's a fucking sewer, Mike Noga. *woo woooooo* If it wasn't for Susan I'd jus' take this ol' guitar and split.

@davegraney: Is NOGA essential for this scene?I could just peel an orange or something and suggest all that shit

@4Boat: Noga is drumming sparsely throughout. Graney crushes cig butt underfoot, rolls downhill out of shot on scooter towards #ERINBRO

@davegraney: kids watch #NEIGHBOURS can't be smoking on there like that . Also, I'd prefer a pony to a scooter. And Noga will have to walk.

@4Boat: OK you crush Fruit Box and depart on Shetland. Noga is at bus stop. Fade to black. #eventTelevision  #whoWillDie ??? #logie

@davegraney: writing my acceptance speech now

@4Boat: Don't mention me I am a very private person @TVWEEKmag  oops

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Carlton 16.10.106 d Richmond 14.12.96

Time for a proper match report. I have been to more Carlton Richmond games at the MCG than all my other AFL games put together. Out of about 8 matches I have only seen the Tigers win (and sung the beautiful club song) ONCE. Spoiler alert - this record still stands.The one win was round 22, 1999, the night the scoreboard caught fire.

I was in Melbourne primarily for Presentation Night (see below) but took the opportunity to gather together my group of originally-Tasmanian mates who all barrack for Carlton, and get along to see Richmond go into a game as favourites for once.

As a sentimentalist I insisted we meet under the clocks at Flinders Street - John and Michael were there but Alex was coming from the south so he insisted on meeting us at the G rather than sailing past it on the train. It was a beautiful day, and we got pints of proper beer on board by the Yarra before taking the new (to me) walkway over to the coliseum, where mid-strength beer is now the rule.

We gathered by the statue of Ponsford and waited for Alex. And waited. The other boys went in, I said I would wait for him but was overruled. I had his ticket, was trying to call him, getting nowhere, didn't want to miss the bounce, ran in and out through the turnstiles three times, did miss the bounce, and almost missed the first goal. Between that and second goal I finally located the man whose nickname is Tardy [Surname Suppressed] for good reason. I finally settled into my seat in 2nd tier above the right back pocket, and drank it all in. What a magnificent sight it is - like a huge banquet laid out in front of a starving man.

Back to the first goal - what was Malthouse thinking starting promising under 13s player Josh Bootsma on dual Coleman Medallist, Jack Riewoldt? That's tanking, that is. The first time the ball came their way Riewoldt just unbalanced Bootsy who slid to the ground, while the high-stepping show pony dawdled into goal and hoisted the ball over the cheer squad into the top tier. Which set the tone for the first quarter.

We were down the other end and I had not brought the binoculars, so I had only a distant view of our eight first-quarter goals. I saw Jacko nail one, and Vickery, and they just kept coming. I had decided to watch Alex Rance's work behind the play on Lachie Henderson, and actually picked a bad quarter to do it because my study kept being interrupted by goals. I did see one pretty weak effort by David Astbury when he was beaten for agility by 9-foot Blues ruckman Warnock. I was already halfway to wearing out my voice, and barracking like the hopeless once-a-year man-in-the-outer that I am. "MATTY MATTY MATTY MATTEEEEEEEEEEE" I yelled as various smaller players who were not Matt White (late withdrawal) kicked goals or executed snappy give-and-gos. "BURY IT TROY!!!!" as Tyrone Vickery lined up the big sticks. After that I just called him a different Irish county every time he got the ball. "MAYO!!" "WATERFORD!!!!" Yes, the beer was working wonders and I'm sure rows BB and AA were regretting it.

I had planned to tweet through the match and keep in touch with various Blues and Tigers around the ground and around the country by text, but had creatively left my phone in the car when Elf dropped me at the airport. I had a replacement phone but without all the numbers it was a bit useless. So I focused on the boofheads I was with. They had been gloomy about their chances, and at five goals down by 2 o'clock they were feeling pretty dire.

But the 2nd quarter was all Carlton, six goals to 2, so again all the action seemed to be miles away. McLean kicked three and the general impression around us was that this was an admirable but doomed fightback from an undermanned team who would never be able to sustain it. Our skipper Cotchin was very quiet though, and in the back of my mind I started to go over all those other losses to the Blues. Alex is late, I forget or mislay something important and Richmond lose - its usually like clockwork.

At halftime I found Joe from Launceston over in the other pocket. He had his mind made up - we were going to lose. I said that we had just let them back in it as we need to generate a finals-like atmosphere in the second half to practice for the weeks ahead. The Tigs are guaranteed finals participants for only the 3rd time since 1982.

I think in the 2nd half, that fact - guaranteed finals - eroded some of our competitive spirit. Maric was trying hard, Grigg and Conca and Ellis were pretty busy, Deledio must have had 12 or 14 running bounces for the game. But the goals wouldn't come. Had a close-up look at Eddie Betts having kittens about taking a set shot. I've never seen anything like it - if modern-day Wayne Harms had suddenly appeared behind him I think Eddie would have dished off a handball, even though he was only 20 metres out on a 30 degree angle. Grimes was not very effective in his first game for months, and subbed for Tucky.

The mood was strange. On the scoreboard we could see that the Suns were touching up the Power (ugh to expansion club nicknames, UGH) and that gave the Blues fans a bit of a whiff of finals themselves. The Richmond crowd were, like the players, cushioned from the usual misery of fluffing a winnable game by the very UNusual thought - we'll be back here in a final in 3 weeks, win, lose or draw today.

And so it went. There were signs of a late rally, and if there had been another 5 minutes the Tigs may have pulled it out of the fire, but ... siren went with Carlton 10 points up and my delirious so-called friends reminding me that they are the old dark navy blues. Actually they were very kind, and said they wished the Tigs had actually won since I had come such a long way. Again, like so many times before, I reflected that I had really enjoyed their company, the big occasion and the quality of the game, but was really disappointed with how Richmond fell away conceding 13.8 to 6.10 after quarter time. It was just complacency and a few players deciding to coast.

My plan had been to leave the old dark navy blues and have a few drinks at the Cricketers Arms with the boys from Launceston before finding a cab to Tullamarine to fly home. This was always a dangerous plan, and with the unexpected bereavement of a loss I felt at liberty to change it. I said goodbye to Alex and Michael and walked back to Flinders Street with John. On the way through the parkland we passed a few kick-to-kicks, and one bit of old fashioned man-on-man scragging with no ball in sight. A bloke in a Richmond guernsey upended his mate in a Carlton guernsey on the grass in a textbook tackle, pinning the arms. In a yelling mood and 5 or 6 mid-strengths to the good, I called "He hasn't got it umpeee! He hasn't goddddddddddddddit! He didn't bring it!!! IT'S AT HOME ON THE COFFEE TABLE UMPEEEEEEEE."

Old mates and beer are the keys to unlocking a much wider emotional range than I usually have. John and I slipped into another Yarra-side bar for a last pint together, then he got on his train and I went up to Little Bourke St to find solace in dumplings. You had to order them with an iPad.

Presentation Night with photos by Tony Proudfoot of freetoeknee PHOTOGRAPHY

with Tim Rogers, Matthew Richardson & Francis Leach @ Corner Hotel, 15 August 2013

© freetoeknee PHOTOGRAPHY (see the whole set here)

Photographed for Tone Deaf

Sport and music bounce off each other to their mutual benefit. The big crowd were right into it and got involved. Tim responds to a helpful suggestion from the back. 
Fantastic bit of set dressing, with a genuine VFL single bed sheet.

Just after the half time break Francis held up the Bones McGhie shirt I donated for the Casey Tutungi raffle. He said "this was made by Nick Rees, are you here Nick?" (In case blog readers don't know, my name is Chris).
Vincent and I were sitting right in front of him in the same shirts. Might have had the light in his eyes I guess.

Both lads brought a sports bag onto the stage with them and pulled out an old touchstone of theirs. Richo went with "The Map" from his brief Tasmania representative career.

Tim wrapped up the night with a delicate acoustic reading of "Berlin Chair" on his tiny guitar.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Presentation Night teaser

I haven’t written anything about Presentation Night yet - travel weariness and a need to get into waiting work are my main excuses.

But there is a fantastic review here by Dugald Jellie, a proper writer. He has caught the warmth of the occasion and the character of the main protagonists beautifully.

Also some great pics by Tony Proudfoot can be seen here on the ToneDeaf records site. Vincent and I can be seen looking up the stars’ noses in pics 36/37.

I do wish I had hung around afterwards to meet some of the people I have been corresponding with recently such as Dugald - but a lifetime habit of slipping away unobtrusively is hard to break.

Sunday, August 18, 2013


I just had a great few days in Melbourne with plenty of downtime to just roam. I spent a few hours around Punt Rd and the back streets of Richmond. 

While I was taking a picture of Jack Dyer's statue, an old bloke came up and said "He really did have a massive head y'know." It was Chopper Read. I said "How are you, Chopper?" He said "Oh yeah, OK, apart from the cancer". 

Went to Richmond v Carlton yesterday - Tigers put the cue in the rack at quarter time, 36 points up and still lost. Frustrating. But great to see Alex, Michael and John and spend some blokey time yelling and drinking.

Photo: Sebastian Costanzo, The Age
Photo: Sebastian Costanzo, The Age

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Back from Canberra

We all missed Marcus when he was away for 5 days on a school trip, even Michael. I thought this was very sweet: Marcus is heavily into sport, Michael has no interest in sport but is intimately familiar with the TV schedule. At breakfast Michael had something exciting to tell Marcus but he had to wait for someone else to finish talking. Then he blurted out "Marcus - tonight is the Third Ashes Test Day 2 - DOUBLE EPISODES!!!!"

Presentation Night

I am off to the mainland for the first time this year, to attend a football/music mashup called Presentation Night. It consists of one beloved footballer (and music fanatic), one national music legend (and footy tragic), compered by a man with impeccable cred in both discplines, Francis Leach. The organiser is music A&R man Andy Kelly. The stars this time are Matthew 'Richo' Richardson and Tim 'Tim Rogers' Rogers.

Our buddy Vincent attended Presentation Night #1, and reported that he was not the only one there wearing a 70s Footy Enigmas shirt. I got in touch with Andy and said how much I wanted to attend #2, thinking it would be an annual thing. Lo and behold, he announced #2 about five minutes later.

So I am off over to Melbourne for a few days to attend this function and also see my Tigers take on the old enemy Carlton. Carlton are msifiring dreadfully at the moment, will be missing about a dozen first choice players, and have next to no chance. Richmond are in their best form in a decade and are warming up for their first finals series since 2001. It promises to be a fine old bloodbath. I am going along with three Melbourne-based pals who all go for the Blues, and they are as buoyant at the prospect as if we were going to a school recorder recital.

Andy asked me to write a spiel about the footy shirts for his Presentation Night blog, and you can read it here. Another online friend is The Holy Boot, and he also asked me to give him some wordage for his blog, which is over here.


Just been to KMart. They seem to be panicking about the obesity epidemic: there were racks and racks of unsold 2XL -> 7XL underpants. I was after plain L for my robust but apparently sub-normal arse. Had to shift literally wheelbarrowloads of monsterpants to find one pair Ls.