A recipe for a fool

What do you call a baked savoury flan with a cigarette hanging out its mouth? Quiche Richards.

[Pause for birds chirping, tumbleweeds etc.]

Tonight I made quiches. We have Mum and Dad on board (until their new house is vacant) so I had to make a couple. They were OK, but I was delighted with what I did with the spare pastry. I don't know what a raspberry fool is, but I called this a pear fool, as it was ridiculously small (and contained one pear). I put the pastry into a small pyrex bowl, threw in the chopped pear, then whisked up an egg with a little milk and caster sugar, and poured that over it. Then I put some butter on top because I like butter. Baked it for a while, then took it out, it was all runny with melted butter still floating on top. Ahem. So I stirred everything around, put it back in the switched off oven and went for a walk in the dark with Elf and the kids. We saw six wallabies and three possums. By the time we got back it had set beautifully into a small pear and custard tart. I waited until the kids were in bed so I only had to cut it into 4.

Wash, wipe and quarter 2 squirrels...

Mum unearthed this excellent book at a jumble sale - Food from the Wild by Jenny Urquhart. It is brutally honest about the tasty treats awaiting you in the English countryside, or possibly found dead on the road. It's amazing how many things are quite tasty as long as you wrap them in bacon before you cook them.

Common Mallow Malva sylvestris
... The young furry leaves if picked and boiled make a wholesome though not particularly delicious vegetable...

Hedgehogs are found in most open country but, as they are a valuable animal, eating slugs and snails and other destructive insects, they should not be taken for food unless absolutely necessary or unless found dead, killed by a passing car.
Grey Squirrel ... casseroled in a good, tasty sauce, even the rankest squirrel is made quite palatable and they are an abundant source of free food.

Rat ... If you ever have the need to eat rat, it is best wrapped in bacon fat and slow roasted.