Michael vocab update

MJR loves asking questions where he knows the answer will be "yes".

This morning he came in while I sat on the toilet, pushing his new favourite thing, a ride-on plastic car that has been mouldering outside for several years.

Are you reading that book? Yes
Is this the bath? Yes
Are there words in that book? Yes
Are they on the page? Yes
OK, well I have to be getting along now.

As I left for work this morning he asked
Can I have a big hug? Can I have a pat on some head?

He has started repeating admonishments he hears Elf say. I have heard;
What were you doing when I came in?
and Don't even THINK about it!

Bus adventure #4

We were low on petrol, and with no particular plans for the day, decided to go by bus out to Moonah to look at electrical stuff. Bus trips are fun for the kids, and at $4.40 per adult day ticket (both kids still free) it possibly pays for itself, as long as you buzz about a bit.

Two buses out to Moonah. First we went into a Building Supplies place that happened to be opposite the bus station. There were bootscrapers at the front door, a sure sign that this place concentrated on Tradespeople. In the door aisle (stacked three high) I had a flashback to that scene in Monsters Inc that everyone with kids must have seen.

Marcus was drawn (hyuk hyuk) to the carpenters pencils. They were in 3 baskets, blue (hard), red (soft) and green (medium). After I read the labels to Marcus I waited to see how long it would be before he insisted on putting them in the right order; Soft, Medium, Hard. About six seconds.

Next we went down the road to Clive Peeters, a brand new Superstore. We didn’t realise one is supposed to a) come by car and b) enter from Derwent Park Road. We walked along Main Road. I have never seen an unfriendlier retail building. Grey concrete, no windows, no signage at all except various words like BATHROOM and ELECTRICAL in blue capitals. We walked along this wall in hope, then came to a very pedestrian-unfriendly concrete canyon – the driveway. We walked up the driveway hoping for the best, still expecting to see “Fabulous Bargains: THIS WAY!!!” or something, but it was all down to blind faith that we rounded a corner and found the carpark, and at last some glass, a door, some products.

Inside we were asked to hand over our backpack. Inside the next eight minutes no less than six salespeople approached us and asked, in a bouncy, just-hired kind of way, if we needed anything. Well, just yell if you do, guys, they all said. Some of them offered us muffins.

I have a hard time thinking straight in these situations. I don’t think I learned anything new about electrical stuff. Their prices seemed OK. The muffin was alright. They had a café, but it was empty. Just around the corner in the coffee machine department a lady was making coffee with one of the products, fancy little Proper Coffees. It was a bit unclear whether you could just waltz up and order one or if you needed to be seriously in the market for a Braun or a Breville or even a Krupp.

We reeled out and caught a bus back to town. Our two outward buses were pretty light on, but this one was full. We were out beyond the “flannie curtain” and the people on the bus had come from further out still. Elf saw a 20-ish year old woman who had hardly any teeth left, but mostly they were all unexceptional individuals. As a busload though, you could write an interesting thesis about their clothes and language, and the difference between these and what you’ll encounter on a Strickland Avenue bus.

Michael fell asleep on the bus, but we still had some shopping to do. Marcus had the excellent idea that Elf and Michael should catch the next bus home, while we sorted out a present for Jacob’s birthday and got the following bus. This we did.

The fatsia and its umbels

I am thrilled to have learned about a new plant, the fatsia. They apparently have stout, sparsely branched stems bearing palmately lobed leaves on a petiole up to 50 cm long, and small creamy-white flowers in dense terminal compound umbels.

Why has no-one told me about this before?

Pluto "too squiffy" to be a planet

Pluto has been sacked. After 75 years in the Planet Club, its been blackballed. And all because it's too dusty and insufficiently round. It has been put into the category "Dwarf Planet".

I say that is semantically ridiculous. If you are a dwarf azalea, you are still an azalea. If you are a dwarf juniper, you're still a juniper. If you're a dwarf tosser... hang on. But if you're not a Planet, how can you be a Dwarf Planet?

More about Haier electrical goods

All the following comes just from their top-loading washing machine range. I am saving the rest of their product descriptions for special treats when I am feeling low. These have not been translated by me, they are right there on the site. I am not intending to mock - I am awestruck by what engineers can do. But they do need a bit more help than they are getting to describe it in English.

Unique sculpt and Fuzzy control and changeable program.
Sweet Face outlook make you washing breezily
more efficient wash Fuzzy control, convenient operation Soak wash
Plastic inner tub, stainless forever
Easier operate as designer with Top-head
21 century new science and technology, full plastic shell, never rustiness.
Strong and weak currents for selection
Wash with water bubbles, explosive clean
Wide-rang voltage design, defying any voltage wave.
With functions of washing, rinsing and spinnning, and selecting different programs as per the dirt degree of the laundries.
Music buzzer technology.
Big cubage, saving space
Design by jumpness and streamline
Basinning pulsator
Design of braille
Limitation design technique(the distance among inner tub,outer tub and shell is the least)
Mini magical child having big capacity, wind dryer function
New luxury top lid, enjoy happy life .
Popular appearance design makes your washing more pleasant
With the circumrotate of the Basin type pulsator produce strong water flow and the concave basin design can reduce the tough of the clothes and the pulsator, lower the abrasion effectively
Popular appearance design makes your washing more pleasant
With memory when breaking off

Sinks

Ever thought about sinks? Sorry, food preparation centres. I will quote a few brochures. The Francke Pamira is "ideal as the ultimate corner solution, and the complete food preparation centre, only imagination limits how to utilise this complete system”. I am intimidated, and feel I might fail to live up to this sink.Transform your kitchen from just a sink, to a fully functional and integrated workstation, where food preparation and a total kitchen centre are the key ingredients.

From the Abey company comes a catalogue entitled A WORLD OF SINKS. Choose from The Swan, The Daintree, The Leichardt and The Double Leichardt (both laundry troughs) The Todd, The Zenith. My favourite is The Moonee, at a compact 160x280mm it’s the perfect size for the lonely single washing up the occasional cup, plate or teaspoon.

A day off among the twin tubs

Elf and I took the day off today to do house stuff. We talked to a mortgage broker, then visited the council to ask them politely to pull their heads in.

We received a notice that planning permission was withdrawn until we changed our drawings to include a 1.2m high screen around our deck, with 80% opacity, to protect our neighbours privacy. Elf called and invited the council to come around to see why this was ridiculous, but they declined. If we were dwarves or Ewoks maybe they would be on to something.

So today we dropped off photos of the site and letters from neighbours either side, saying such a screen would not make the slightest bit of difference to their privacy, about which they have NO concerns, and if later some problem arises we are capable of sorting it out without the council being involved.

Then, we went to look at ovens, dishwashers and rangehoods. Elf and I have lived without a rangehood for a combined 74 years, but now we need one. We’ve had a spice cupboard as a rangehood for the last six years.

In the electrical shop we were very amused to see that people still buy twin tubs (generally old folks apparently). There was a Chinese brand called Haier (I think they are trying to sound German). I used to have a twin tub and there was a little round mat you had to flop on top of everything when you used spin-dry. Haier call this part “the gland” and there is a helpful notice on the underside of the lid saying “NEVER FAIL TO USE THE GLAND”.

This was at Electric World, a very old-fashioned shop. Despite having all the latest DVD hard disc recorders etc the place always seems very 1977 to me. The ceiling is low and the home-made shelves are overcrowded, and wobble when you walk past. While we were upstairs looking at ovens, someone downstairs put on some yodelling-style music and began yodelling along.

For comparison we went to an even wonkier shop called B & B. I would guess this stands for Barry and Barry. They took over an older Hobart institution, Danny Burke Electrical. Danny Burke was up for sale for so long that the sale itself became an institution, Before Danny, it was a theatre, and the interior is wonderfully over-the-top art deco meets neo-Assyrian. Wingéd lions. The fluted EXIT signs are gorgeous. The service was desultory and the prices not particularly sharp, but the atmosphere of the place was marvellous.

The music in here was pure country. I see your sweeeeeet face every mor-or-or-ornin… Two older blokes in zipper tops and slacks, and two burly younger blokes in fluoros and stubbies, yarned away between the freezers, listening to Merle Haggard and Jean Stafford and watching six different channels of daytime plasma screen telly. It seems poles apart from my workplace, but it has surprising similarities. One of my workmates has over 14 days worth of continuous music in his i-Tunes, and fully one third was recorded by people named Hank. I myself work in ugg boots.

Sandwich through slot

A few weeks ago Marcus' class at Friends built a tower around him. I believe he stayed in there for quite a while, and was fed food and drinks through a slot. Thanks to Laura at Friends for the pictures!

New tools corrrection

Apologies - in a recent post written from within a cocked hat, I claimed MK of Summer Hill had the fattest Macintosh computer ever assembled. I misunderstood him - what he said is he wants to have the fattest Macintosh computer ever assembled. So I am still king of the heap.

Bus adventure #3

As Elf and I both had the day off yesterday, I was able to pick up Marcus and go off for an outing while she did the 5.00 Michael pick-up. Marcus often asks if we can go on a bus ride on one of Wednesday afternoons, but we usually don't have time.

We caught the bus from kinder into town, with his very tall classmate Tamasin and her dad. Tamasin was tickled pink to have him along, and wanted to take him home but we had to defer that for another day. The four of us walked down Macquarie Street holding hands (dads on either end - we're don't know each other that well).

After fond farewells, we caught a bus to Sandy Bay beach. I discovered I had $1.40 and no ATM card, so when Marcus said he was hungry we bought ourselves one small biscuit. Fortunately I had an all-day bus ticket. We walked down to the Boat Park, and Marcus went nuts on the slides. He found many different ways to land on his bot, knees, head etc. Then our friends Greta, Eve and Thomas appeared, so we had a scamp about with them for a bit. I had promised Marcus we would have a look at the old Alexandra Battery, where I believed we would find a number of big old cannons.

There was in fact only one small cannon, which I suspect was brought from elsewhere. Marcus dutifully climbed on it. There was a very exciting sloping tunnel. When you stepped into it, there was no visible end, then after four or five brave strides the light appeared. It was narrow and about 20 metres long. Due to the lack of cannons I think it should be renamed the Alexandra Tunnel Place.

We hiked back to the bus stop, and caught a bus back to town. A few stops before the end the bussie jumped up to change the destination sign on the front. We got off at Franklin Square and I led Marcus around the corner, looking for the Strickland Ave bus to take us home. Hmm. Couldn't find it. Turned around to look back the way we'd come and the bus we'd just been on sailed past us, with its new destination STRICKLAND AVE plainly visible.

Birdwatching

Our backyard is a good birdwatching spot. I don't know if its good for variety, but its good for observing behaviour. This time of year the wattles attract big greenish parrots who shred the flowers - I suppose to get at some kind of grubs. There are little rubbish piles of wattle flower everywhere. A team of them were doing over the tree outside the boys room on Saturday.

A couple of weeks back we saw a mop of herons. I don't know the collective noun for herons, but that sounds right. The flew over quite low, and just as they passed us they saluted with a collective "whhAAAAAAAAAAAAARKH".

Later the same day we saw two little birds harrying a big hawk. They were driving it away from their nest I suppose. They kept at it until it was way over the other side of the valley, then we saw one break off and fly back to resume home duties. The other one, emboldened by success, kept pursuing the hawk that was four times its' size, until I lost them in the dark background of the opposite hill.

New tools

I am writing this on a new Mac Pro. Its pretty swish - Roar Film have bought it for me to use. I've been working on my own G4 for four years, and now I can use it at home. Its good timing as our aged iMac melted down a couple of weeks ago, probably from over-exposure to the same three or four Wiggles games.

Now I have a computer at home I can conceivably work on, I can start to put into practice various ideas that have been simmering on the little gas burner at the back of my mind. I would like to do some large monitor-sized digital paintings, introduce some very slight ambient animation and make screensavers of them.

My Mac Pro is certainly fab, but while I was admiring its sleek lines and enjoying life as The Guy With The Newest and Fastest, an email arrived from MK of Summer Hill, announcing he has one too, but with every possible option ramped up to the max, knocking mine into the proverbial cocked hat. He has terabytes. Sigh.

Nicknames

Michael acquired a new one this morning: Small Business. This joins the following established names;

Scampy. Schnitzel. Schnitz Bitz. Flute Boot. Snooty Persnoot. Squiggle Wiggle. Floop de Floo. Snuffy Snoo. Little Pants. Perms and combs of those.

Marcus makes do with just Sausage, Soddidge, Sport and Buddy. Having a super-cute little brother (who accumulates cutesy names) must be very hard for him sometimes, but he never complains.

We have a builder

Well, we haven't signed a contract yet but we think we have him cornered. Greg Sheedy is his name, and he only builds a few houses each year. He seems like a good egg, and comes recommended by a couple of people we know in the business. His main business is constructing double-glazed windows. We are investing in a house-lot of these, in the hope that it will save us on energy bills, and also cut out the 6.05am truck traffic from Cascade Road.


We have a long list of "exclusions" that we will need to go shopping for. If we were natural shoppers, this would be the exciting part, but we aren't. I am sure we will get into it as excitement builds, and the awareness that the new house might actually happen creeps up on us.

Have I posted these impressions of the new house here? Can't remember.

The Influential Rees Family

I said hi to the state Treasurer yesterday. Or maybe g'day, I can't remember. He said hi to me. He and a swag of minder types were here at Roar Film to launch or announce something or other to do with optic fibre cables. This is the second time the government has done this - last time it was the State Development minister launching something to do with ICT subsidies. They seem to think we are a good look - small, creative business in a groovy old church. I was away at a parent-teacher meeting with Marcus' kindergarten teacher, and arrived back just in time to step out of the way as the suits filed out.

It reminded me of my momentous meeting with the late Jim Bacon when he was premier. I opened the front door at our office to go and get lunch, and Jim and some heavies were clustered on the doormat, having a last minute confab before coming in to brief us on some election ads. I stepped aside and held the door open, as I assumed they were about to come in. They ignored me for a few seconds, then the great man said, irritably, "Get out of the way".

Going back a few premiers before that, my sister Jacki was once dancing in some sort of extravaganza at West Park in Burnie, as Robin Gray was stomping around inspecting everything, with a scowl probably. She lost her footing while doing an arabesque or a sashay or something, and slipped to the ground. The top man stepped over her without lowering his eyes from the horizon, and continued on in his tank-like way.

So remember, if you need a favour, let the Rees family know. We'll try to mention it while we are being snubbed.

New planets

In my lifetime, there has always been nine planets. I know Pluto only came on board in 1930, and its maybe a bit small and fluffy to really be a planet, but I have always welcomed it into the fold. In illustrations of all the other stuff floating about orbiting the sun, only the Magic Nine are ever given that fat, round, planety look.

Now, its seems that "planet" is on the verge of being redefined. Soon we could have around 53 bodies in the planet category. Hats off to anyone who can write a good mnemonic for that list. Especially when some of them have names like "2003 UB313".

Decision time

We have three good detailed building quotes now, all fairly competitive. We have a very tough decision to make. It will be hard to tell the unsuccesful builders, as they have all put significant time into the quoting and consulting, and two will not get a cracker out of it. We will ruminate for a few days.

Boys reading techniques

WARNING: PARENTAL PRIDE ALERT. POSSIBLE LACK OF OBJECTIVITY AHEAD.

Marcus is doing well with his reading. He sounds out words fairly well. He has a huge speaking vocabulary, so when he has sounded out half a word he has a good chance of guessing the rest. His lazy right eye is improving slowly, but it is certainly hampering him a little. He had a test with the orthoptist yesterday, and she said is seeing the beginning and end of words clearly but the letters in the middle are a bit hard for him to distinguish.

Michael is not sounding out words yet, however he has learned to read about a dozen words, mostly concerning The Wiggles.

THE, WIGGLES, JEFF, GREG, MURRAY, ANTHONY, DOROTHY, CAPTAIN, FEATHERSWORD, WAGS, and DOG he will recognise in any context, Wiggly or not. But he also likes STOP and GO, MICHAEL and MARCUS, MUM and DAD, NO, YES. I'm sure I have forgotten a few.

His pattern recognition is astoundingly good. He picked up a plastic funnel with "FUNNEL YOUR BUSINESS TO PHILLIPS" on it, and said "Stop! That says 'Stop!" It took Elf a few seconds to see it - S TO P. He does this sort of thing all the time. On Saturday I had to grab him to stop him touching a hot barbecue. The dial said "hi" and lo" - Michael was yelling excitedly "Ten!" We always start thinking he's mistaken, then gradually see it as he sees it.

Big Bed: Big Day

We have had the Michael's Big Bed set up in the boys room for a couple of months now, and have only been able to get Michael into it while asleep. Its pretty crowded in there with Marcus' bed and the cot too. We have promised the cot to Sharon and Andrew next door, and time is ticking away - she's about 4 weeks from delivering.

Elf had the inspiration to paper the walls with Wiggles paraphenalia. We did it this afternoon, and this evening we could hardly hold him back. Michael hopped onto the bed, lay back with hands behind head, and said "put a blanket on me, Mummy". He is sleeping there beautifully as I type.

The automatic swing

Marcus has entwined the garden hose in the swing set. He gets on the double swing, cranks it up, and soon the baby swing is going flat out as well. Its hilarious, and ingenious. We coaxed Michael to be a test pilot. He is a polite boy, and started saying "I have had enough now Daddy" after about 1.5 swings.

Party exhaustion

This is my first laptop blog. We have a temporary surfeit of laptops at work, such that I can take one home for the weekend. I am typing in front of the telly, as Richmond flog Brisbane.

Yesterday was quite gripping at work, We have a bit of intrigue going on. Roar Film are in a shotgun marriage with a small Melbourne multimedia studio. We both pitched for a federal government job and the public servant in charge decided to give us two-thirds and Thingo Media one third of the job. Now Thingo are trying to crib back some parts of the job that were awarded to us, by stealth. We feel like we have the high artistic ground, as the design they have submitted (unasked) is hideous. After a flurry of emails they seem to have conceded defeat. We are determined to wear the design pants on this one. It promises to be a lively collaboration over the next three months.

The boys piled into bed with us this morning. They are getting bigger and its getting squeezier. Once we were all crammed in with a bit of doona and a bit of pillow each, Michael said (through his dummy) "This is nice". He said it in a wonderfully offhand grownup small-talky way.

It was a gorgeous sunny day today, and we had back-to-back birthday parties. Eve Kerschbaum turned three, and her party was at the same lovely riverside church hall in Sandy Bay as her brother's a couple of months ago. It has glorious large windows overlooking an expanse of the Derwent, with yachts at anchor you could easily swim out to. Our Michael was delighted by the ripples of light on the ceiling reflected off the water. As usual for Greta's parties the food was terrific and plentiful, with the occasional oddity. There was a plate of crumbed chicken schnitzels. '"Croatian party food" said Michael Kerschbaum.

Then we went to a quite different outdoor party up at the Waterworks Reserve, a great place to be on a nice day. Taylah from Marcus' kindergarten turned five today. She is partially blind and has few other difficulties due to a very rare congenital condition.

When I was a kid there was no-one like Taylah for me to learn about face-to-face. She seems to be a nice kid and gets on pretty well with everyone, but I also think its a great learning experience for everyone who gets a chance to spend a year in her class. I hope the kids are getting to know her as a person, and her disability (which is still the first thing I see) will just be a secondary aspect to them.

Her mum did a good job with the party. Taylah has a couple of loudmouthed girl cousins (or older sisters ?) who on cue would shout "Getoverhereyouse! 'Stimeferpasstheparcel!" and so on. Kids threw bread to monster geese and normal ducks. I gave Michael an aeroplane spin, One of the big cousins was on the spot as soon as his Michael's feet hit the ground demanding a go. Once I got her off the ground it was fine, but takeoff was hard work.

Likes/Dislikes for Friday

+ My Name is Earl 8pm Thursday
+ Sending "personal" messages from Samuel L. Jackson
+ Cascade Export Stout as a relaxant

- Giving way to cars turning right, when I am turning left from a slip lane, and being honked wildly by the moron behind
- A4 (Small) paper size - is it A4 or not?
- CSI Autopsies and dumb dialogue in my lounge room, every weeknight.

Gas Burners

They are unexpectedly beautiful. Click an image to look at an online museum of them. (I found it while I was looking for images of the Vietnam War Memorial in Canberra. That's just how the web works, folks).

Fine Dining

As Elf will tell you, I pronounce this "Foin Doining". She comes from a family with impeccably crisp dipthongs.

We went out to dinner on Saturday night in honour of Anna's birthday. When we thought back to our last dinner out, it was actually Anna's previous birthday. So, we have work to do on our social life.

Rob and Mel had kindly offered to look after the boys, and Marcus particularly had been looking forward to it all week. He gets on famously with their daughter Olivia, and Michael tags along with them quite happily, so we were optimistic it would work. It was a complete success - they didn't get to sleep until 9-ish becasue they were all gabbing like mad. Michael ate all his dinner, something we rarely see at home. Rob and Mel said they would be happy to do it again, so, if not for the fact we are skint, a happy phase of eating out might open up before us.

Dinner was enjoyable and tasty. We ate at the Hope and Anchor, one of the many claimants for Oldest Pub in Australia (est. 1807). One of the drawbacks of its age is obviosly fitting modern toilet facilities into the heritage-listed fabric.

To wash your hands in the gents risks being clobbered by the opening door from the hallway outside. I imagine collisions must happen, with occasional fisticuffs if the clobberer and/or clobberee are drunk or of a naturally thumpsome nature. I didn't get into a fight but I did have a terse exchange with a bloke who told me to move out into the hallway when I had not yet pulled up my daks.

However - generally a great night and something we are keen to try again.

Portrait of Giz (2), c. 1997

By Jacki McTaggart

Book cover chosen

Here is the cover Pasty and Redhill Books have chosen to print. Its very exciting - can't wait to see them in the bookshops.

Dog bites man

I was bitten on the leg by a small dog in Nth Hobart at lunchtime. Didn't penetrate my jeans. Hippy stoner people, weren't very contrite. I just let it go and got on with eating lunch. Shortly after, the dog had a go at someone else's leg - I raised the subject again and the weedy little jerky guy started getting all nasty about it. Girlfriend dragged him away.

Portrait of Giz, c. 1997

By Jacki McTaggart

Unplugging

I decided to take off my radio headphones and just listen to the world on my walk this morning. Its a bit silly to tune in to morning radio - I call it the Stress Along With Fran show - and tune out the babbling rivulet, tweeting birds, whistling builders etc etc.

There was a rubber chicken at the side of the path in Forbes St yesterday. It has gone now. I wonder if there is a Department somwhere responsible for removing the small pieces of light relief that people might find as they struggle through their day. Its sounds like the sort of thing Senator Vanstone might organise.

Michael asked "Where is Giz?" at the table last night. We said he's gone. Michael was sure he was sleeping, having dreams, and "soon he will stop having dreams and wake up!". We have already started transferring our worry about Giz to worry about his grave - keeping blackberries down, proper headstone, will he be disturbed by the builders etc etc. Its ridiculous.

Loss of a dear friend

My old cat Gizmo died on Saturday. He had been very ill for a while with a tumour, lost a lot of weight and was hiding himself away most of the day. Our friend Mary, who has been his vet for most of his life, came to our house. We all said goodbye to him, and Elf took the boys outside to play. Mary gave him a sedative, then a final heavy dose of anaesthetic. He died peacefully in my arms. I am sure it was the right thing to do.

We buried him just inside the fence, in the backyard, where the boys will play and we will be gardening around him. (We made sure he will be safe from the earthmoving equipment that will demolish the house and reshape the front yard fairly soon.) We miss him very much.

A series of questions

A series of questions from Marcus this morning, over a period of about 15 minutes. (Leaving out eight or nine of the more mundane ones);

1. How do the wheels of the car roll when you are turning the steering wheel?
2. How does the car not roll away on its own?
3. Was god around when there were dinoasurs?
4. How could he make sure they did the right thing, when they are just animals?
5. What are the other pedals in the car for?
6. Have you ever done anything against the law?
7. Why are shop words on a hill, instead of on a shop? (prompted by Keens Curry sign below)

To which I might add from yesterday - a(i). How did Michael get conjunctivitis? (Michael has in fact got conjunctivitis) and a(ii). Who did the first person who got conjunctivitis get it from? The latter I have filed alongside "Where did the seed for the first carrot come from if there weren't any carrot plants before?" which, i will make the subject of my doctoral thesis, in retirement.


© Travel-images.com

Fencehopping - pics just back from the chemist.

The Mysterious Beyond - up the hill behind our house.

Marcus, Lily and Katherine swing. Grown ups attend. Out of shot, Michael sulks.

Piano Shop

I just found this drawing from last year. That's the corner of Elizabeth and Warwick.

Fencehopping

We started the weekend with a party at Kidz Bizzzz (don't forget the 4 zeds) on Saturday morning, for Saffy's 5th. I hadn't been there before, but its new, clean, well run, and all the kids in it were behaving. Incredible. At one stage a young blonde woman arrived with four (or five) small blond girls. Three were dressed alike and looked exactly the same - triplets. The other two were dressed kind of similar and maybe one and two years older. We thought - hells bells, are they all HERS? Turns out they are her mothers. Oh.

After lunch we went up through the back gate and took our young neighbours Cameron and Adrian along with us up to Wellesley Park. It was a beaut afternoon, and we just mucked about up there until it started to get dark. The 4 boys combine and permutate in interesting and often very self-containing ways. Cameron taught us to play "Creep" which I think is the same as "Statues".

On Sunday morning Nick, Anna, Lily and Katherine came over, and we went up the hill again and had a picnic. We taught them to play "Creep" too. Anna's dad has brought her back a huge sleeveless sheepskin coat from Austria. Nick was wearing a tight leather coat with a large tweed cap. There were lots of pimp jokes. Sometimes they are so West Hobart.

On Sunday afternoon we went over next door to visit Lana, who was playing a complicated Tarzan DVD game, where the voice kept telling the kids to "go get those banannas". I managed to get them all out in the sun, as Lana's dad has a large spread-out woodpile, and there's nothing I like better than sitting on a nice log in the sun. After a while Michael and I went back over to our back yard. Then Lana and Marcus came over too - they are very proud that they are allowed to walk along the footpath three metres from Lana's front gate to our steps. Finally Elf and Sharon came over and we all stood around and enjoyed the sun, doing nothing in particular, until it was time for Sharon to drag Lana home for dinner.

Impossible

Cameron next door: I don't like the Big Red Car.
Michael: That's impossible.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Michael (at 3am): What's those?
Me: Those are Mum's boots.
Michael: Hmm.... Not your boots. They are Mummy's boots. Or something.

Lost in the internet

Today I have got lost, in various places on the web, and time has washed over me. Aaargh.

The Wooden Periodic Table Table

Yes, its really a table. If you like science, woodworking, ingenuity, crazy stuff, incredibly clever people or QTVRs, you must look at this site. (Photo © 2002 by Theodore W. Gray.) Its my favourite non-news website of all.

Book designs

I have really burned the midnight oil to get this far. Patsy likes it, and is going to show this and a few other versions to the publisher. Fingers crossed for something similar to this to be in the shops by the end of the year.

Other designs can be viewed HERE. Let me know what you think.

Memo to monkeys: look out for parrots

Here is a quick 'n' easy ready reckoner to my weekend.

Friday night
- Started work on bookcover, caught a cold.
- Received first building quote (which took over two months). $60,000 over budget.

Saturday
- Boys did some excellent bike sharing. (I have a small movie if anyone wants to try and view it, here are some stills).


- We visited our friends Jasmine, Cam and Sarah. I have known Cam for many years and now Jasmine and Marcus are in the same room at Friends, and get on very well. Had a lovely time.
- Went to see Dave Graney at the Republic with Dave Woodward, lawn bowls teammate. The room was dotted with other lawn bowlers. DG was great, shook his hand after. Will contact him later to warn him he is straying into lawn bowls demographic.

Update - Sent DG a message and got a quick reply, which just goes to show he is a consumate professional, although technically no longer King of Pop. I think now he might be Viscount of Boogie.

Sunday
- Brunch with Rob, mel and Ollie at Salamanca. After initial misbehaviour Marcus settled down and played a loosely structured but well-mannered game of giant chess with an older boy.
- While discussing what different birds eat (eg insects, fruit, seeds, other birds) Marcus told us quite confidently that parrots eat monkeys. His rationale for this was densely argued and unfathomable.
- Looked at a beautiful house at Opossum Bay built by one of our prospective builders. Encouraging.

Do I want blips or bloops?

There are many free mp3 sound effects available on the web. I am looking for some little clicks and bips for an interface I am designing, and I have found that in the "Interfaces" category there are all the following categories:

Bangs (5)
Beeps (24)
Blips (16)
Bloops (7)
Booms (2)
Clicks (64)
Clunks (15)
Groans (4)
Knocks (1)
Pops (6)
Roars (2)
Saws (2)
Switches (9)
Tears_and_Rips (2)
Thwacks (4)
Zangs (5)
Zings (5)
Zips (4)
and of course Zoops (11)

A cover at last!

I have always wanted to design a book cover. Not for some fat document that will be distributed to people who will mostly chuck it out or file it. For an actual BOOK. Ideally fiction. I want to be able to go into Fullers Bookshop or Dymocks and see my work in there amongst the Faber & Fabers and Penguins and Jonathan Capes and Phaidons.

Patsy Crawford has asked me to design the cover of her new book of short stories called Blood of a Distant Island. She wrote a good review of a CD-ROM I worked on that dealt with similar landscapes and themes to her book. (see still below) I have just finished the manuscript and I am very excited about the job. I'll post some designs here when I get into it.

A day on the mainland

I flew with my boss to Melbourne for the day on Friday, to talk to the Department of Veterans Affairs about a book and CD-ROM we are doing for them. Steve was supposed to pick me up at 5am, and hadn't shown by 5.30. I was waiting out on the front steps all that time, it was a very mild morning, but I was tying myself in knots worrying about missing the plane. I rang him and it appeared he was in some parallel time zone of his own. We made it, just. When the people at check-in know your name before you open your mouth you are in trouble.

At Hobart Airport when I am boarding the red-eye flight in the dark I always find it strange that when you have toddled out the door onto the tarmac, you are on your own. Your plane might be the one in front of you, or it might be 100 metres up the runway, you have to look at your ticket and the logo on the tail to make sure it's the right airline. And follow the person in front of you. When you have got out of bed at 4am your chances of getting it wrong are pretty considerable. When we did get to the top of the stairs of what was presumably the right plane, there was no-one there, so we ambled in and sat down.

It was a pretty uneventful day actually. I was totally exhausted when we got home, I think from spending most of the day in air-conditioning. I had a tiny little snooze in the meeting but only one person noticed.

Overheard Comment 3

"We had to get rid of our piano, because of the smell"

This is cheating, it was actually said directly to me but if pretend I overheard it I can avoid the tedious business of explaining the context which would just spoil it.

Taking Marcus to the footy

I had a bit of a mix-up with Rob. He thought he and I were going to have lunch and then go to the football. I thought he meant he and his brood would come to our place for lunch and then we would flick on the telly and watch whoever was playing. As a fix-up to the mix-up Elf and I and the boys met him at the pub for a counter lunch, then Rob and Marcus and I continued on to the football and Elf and Michael went shopping. It had been a lovely sunny morning, so we didn't bother taking any particularly warm clothes.

We watched the second and third quarters of a Clarence v Hobart game at the TCA ground up on the Domain. The weather turned bad, with an icy penetrating wind. It wasn't much of a spectacle, but then local football never is unless you know the players, particularly on a blustery day.

We sat up in the very top of the stand and shivered. Pigeons strutted and sparrows hopped about among blowing papers. It was so cold. Then: parrots! Beautiful rosellas appeared from nowhere, playing tag in amongst the rafters of the old grey grandstand. It was a very beautiful moment, totally unheeded (as far as I could tell) by the crowd, intent on the football. I have seen parrots about on the Domain many times, but never have they been such a relief.

We headed for home shortly before threequarter time as we were frozen, and Marcus can't stand the sound of the siren.

Italy 1 d France 1 (penalties 5-3)

I was having trouble getting Marcus to bed last night so I promised I would wake him before the end of the World Cup Final this morning. I made him promise to go back to bed after it was over.

I duly woke him to see the last 10 minutes, plus extra time, plus penalties. He then refused to go back to bed, and argued loudly, waking up the rest of the family. So, although I generally enjoyed the final, I think that little difficulty plus Zidane headbutting Materazzi spoiled it for me.

I did enjoy this though - at one stage Marcus said "I wish I was playing in this game - then I would be a bit more famous than I am now".

Home-made hats

Marcus models hats designed and made by himself. This mortarboard-style hat (above) has a large A3-size surface and can be used for carrying other A3-size things.


According to the maker, this is a special hat for me to wear while singing "Tigerland" after a Richmond win.


Michael made this hat out of a porcelain bowl.

A big win for the good guys - Guantanamo

Great news for everyone who believes in fairness and the rule of law - the military tribunals to try the inmates of Guantanamo Bay have been outlawed by the U.S. Supreme Court. The do not match the standards the U.S. military would apply in trying its own soldiers, so they are unconstitutional. I am hopeful this means they will be given fair trials sooner rather than later.

Underpants

I wear Bonds boxers, which are nearly all a nice grey marle, with a few black and one pair of blue. Marcus, on the the other hand, wears little undies in all colours of the rainbow. Sometimes at the supermarket I treat myself to a new pair, and the other night they were only available in 2-packs, black and orange. Well, it won't kill me to wear orange, I thought.

The first day I had them on, I was sitting on the toilet in the evening, pretty tired, when I looked down at the orange pants around my ankles and thought momentarily "Am I Marcus?" It was strange.

Marcus is creating hats at the moment. He is a haberdasher or perhaps a milliner, I'll have to look those words up. Some of his designs are ingenious - and he's doing it all without any urging from us. I'll take and post a few photos when I get some batteries in the camera.

Q. Do you love typewriters?

A. Probably not as much as this guy does. (Try link above for a truly staggering amount of typewriter info and pictures). I am doing some banners for Living Writers week, and for one design I have been looking at a lot of typewriter keys. They are beautiful things, and they often share a common font design, that I am finding very hard to pin down.

There are many sites offering jewellery and knick-knacks made out of old typewriter keys. I would like to get my hands on some (keys, not jewellery) but part of me worries that the trade in keys is compromising the work of typewriter restorers.

And another part of me thinks this is a very minor thing to be worrying about in today's world.

Michael playing 2 of the 5 Blind Boys from Alabama

Complete with a seeing eye Doggie Dog.

Most of his might

We were getting ready to go swimming, and Marcus was describing his technique for putting on shoes.

Marcus: I put my toe in there and then I push this bit down with most of my might.
Dad: [Snort] Did you say most of your might?
Marcus: Well, no, ALL of my might... Dad, how do you know how much might you've got?

Its a good question. If you can bench press 100kg, is that a numerical value for your "might"?

When we did get to the pool, Marcus surprised himself and me by paddling along with his flotation ring without touching the bottom - the first time he's done it. I've been trying to get him interested in swimming lessons, and I think he now understands that you don't have to be able to swim already to go to lessons. I have used the prospect of going fishing with me when he can swim as a carrot. I hope no-one tells him how hopeless I am at fishing.

Watching soccer with an American

I watched the game last night at my workmate Nathan's place. His partner Rachel is Texan. At one stage when Vince Grella attempted a tackle and an Italian was waltzing away from him, she was moved to scream: "Totallytotallygetup duuuuuude!!"

Italy 1 d Australia 0

Our glorious cup run is over. I am very very tired, I have a meeting in eighteen minutes and I don't have any shoes on. I just proposed that we (workmates) go up to the Landsdowne Cafe for a lunchtime wake. But then I thought - can you have a wake when you are three-quarters asleep?

Enough nonsense about a "controversial" penalty. About 95% of penalties are controversial. Italy found a way to win, as I kind of knew they would. Good luck to them - they held on very well with 10 men.

Now - I am going to find an A-league team to barrack for and try to maintain my interest for the next 4 years. I just have to find one with a not-too-silly name (Queensland Roar are out of the running).

Waiting for a mattress

We are waiting for Michael's new mattress to be delivered. While we wait - why not eat a few pears?

Michael is moving out of his cot, a very exciting development. We are giving it to Sharon and Andrew next door who are having a baby in September. Marcus has asked if we can put Michael's bed next to his so they can climb across. We think not.

(PS - Marcus has the patch on his eye for a while each day to correct a weak muscle).

Blog v World Cup

You may have noticed the World Cup has the blog in a sleeper hold and it is down for the count. But I am determined not to let this event [which runs a close second to having a baby in life-disrupting drop-everythingness] sink the blog for good.

Here is a breathless rundown of family events.

I went to see Cars with Marcus, having already seen it with Elf. It was his first outing to the cinema. The audience totalled eight - I have been to bigger video nights. Marcus loved it, didn't fall asleep (it went past his bedtime) and as the predictable happy ending - with a little lesson for us all - materialised during the final car race, he was on his feet, standing on his seat, fists pumping and shouting "YEAH!!" I would say he gave it an A+, and from me, an A.

Marcus and I have been playing A LOT of soccer. He insists on it being him versus me, and is not interested in any kick-to-kick. Soccer is all about personal glory for him, which is probably pretty standard among 4 year old boys. I know you can watch an entire under-8 game and not see one intentional pass.

I have been watching a few of the 5am kickoff games, usually levering myself out of bed about 5.30 to watch the last two thirds. Inevitably one or both boys is up and sitting with me for the last half hour. Yesterday I watched an enthralling game between Mexico and Argentina, decided by a sublime goal from Rodriguez of Argentina. I had Marcus with me from about 5.40 onwards. He came stumbling out rubbing his eyes, looked at the scoreboard Mexico 1 - Argentina 1 and said "Hmm - its Mongolia 1 and Angola 1 I suppose is it?" He is "supposing" a lot lately.

Michael said to Elf at breakfast this morning - "Are you sitting across from me mum?" Elf said yes, she was. Michael said "And I am sitting across from you aren't I?"

We still await building quotes. Apparently they have to dig a big hole for the quote, then pour concrete foundations for the quote so it doesn't wobble - then obviously frame the quote up before moving onto laying the first few courses of bricks, before they put up walls etc to get the quote to "lock-up" stage. I'm not sure when the quotes will be finished but I am sure they will be very confortable to live in while we wait another 10 years for an actual house.

Lily's 4th birthday was yesterday, and fine event it was too. Nick and Anna rolled it in with Katherine's first and Nick's 40th (which was very much bottom of the bill in very small writing). Lily is my god-daughter. Which reminds me Elf was reading a picture book about Noah's Ark to Michael last night when he said "What does this say?" - pointing to the word GOD. "That says God" said his Mum, warily. "What's that?" "Er..." Elf summed The Almighty up in a few sentences and Michael continued the book, quite happy with his new knowledge.

I can warn you that it's just going to be Cup, Cup, Cup for a little while now. I haven't written my thoughts on the draw with Croatia - you might have seen a little bit about it in the papers. Over the moon, tickled pink etc. Tonight we play Italy. We are in with a slim chance. With Lucky Guus in our corner we just might do it.

Twenty two!

I sat up with Michael for a while at 3am this morning. He's having trouble sleeping, due to a bad cold and wheeziness. I thought well, I'm sure a bit of World Cup Soccer is just what he needs to get him off to sleep. (Actually, I was sure it would do no such thing, but I was too weak to NOT turn on the telly when I knew it was all happening.) Sure enough, instead of being lulled off to sleep by the soothing green pitch and the repetitive passing of the well-drilled but not very creative Saudi Arabians, Michael yelled every time he saw some numbers, like the score, or the back of a player's shirt.

Off to sleep little bundle.
I saw two twos there! Twenty two!!
Shhhh. Shhhhhhhhhh.
THREE! THREE! THREE! THREE!

Etcetera. We watched another twenty minutes, until the end of the match, under a gentleman's agreement that he would then go back to the cot with Doggie and give it another try.

Mental health first aid

On my way down Petty St this morning I could see a lady standing at her gate, rocking from one foot to the other. She had the sun behind her so I couldnt tell if she was looking back at her house or up the road towards me - I guess she was trying to look around me to see iuf her friend was coming diown to walk to work with her or something.

When I got closer I could see she was looking down the side of her house (probably checking the dog that lives there was safely locked away) and then rattling the gate, maybe to check the catch was on. She rocked from side to side for about two minutes as I walked down. Dog, gate, dog, gate, dog, dog, dog again, gate, dog, gate, dog, etc etc.

I guess she is obsessive compulsive and does this every morning,but I hadn't see it before. I wonder if a well intentioned bystander should try to help an obsessive compulsive, or if you should just let them be, like a sleepwalker.

I know there is a such a thing as a mental health first aid kit - I am interested to know more about it.

Latest From Brazilian newspapers

From Gazeta Esportiva.net

Brazil came back the field in the beginning of the afternoon of this sunday to face the Australian truculent ones, with Ronaldo sanctioned in the attack to the side of Adriano. The player detached the sovereignty of the defensive sector ahead canarinho of the Australian giants, that they had abused the aerial balls in the duel of this sunday. "We knew that it would be difficult and that we would not gain all, but lead best in the majority and we do not pass great scares" pondered shirt three.

Juan was didactic: "As they were marking our stockings individually, these exits finish being important to open spaces".

Brazil did not enchant, error passes in surplus and showed an inexplicable desentrosamento. Beyond Ronaldo not having obtained to produce what of it if it waited, its homonym gaucho found difficulties in leaving the marking, arriving, also, to step on inside in the ball of the area in play for the right.

You launch them of bigger danger of the initial stage had finished happening in favor of Australia. Exactly abusing the violent game and the maldosas entrances, the teams of the Oceania obtained to emplacar some dangerous counterattacks, in kicks of long distance and balls raised for the area. In the final minute, Bresciano, that substituted Popovic, took off ink of the travessão of the Brazilian goleiro, at the best moment of the first time.

That's exactly how I saw it.

Lovely day out in Launceston

Jeff Blake and I went up to see the Tigers play Hawthorn in Launceston. They were overwhelming favourites, not something we have been able to boast very often in the last 20 years. It was a "danger game" - a phrase I have personally never used about a Richmond fixture before. But we were pretty sure we'd be singing the club song all the way back down the Midland Highway.

We were wrong. The Tiges didn't turn up to play. Even the warm-up was woeful. They trailed all day and went down by about six goals. We had fun all the same. We hooked up with my mate Joe and his wife Jill, it was a perfect day and Joe even had a beer tab he shared with us. (Lights Elf, all lights).

The only downer was Jeff decided the Hawks club song was kind of catchy, and kept breaking into it all the way home to Hobart.

Brazil 2 d Australia 0

I really enjoyed the game this morning. Australia were combative, creative and dangerous. We had many more shots on goal but the Brazilians were the only ones to find the net. Apart from a terrible bit of butchery by Vince Grella on Ronaldo, we were also pretty clean. He probably should have been off for an early spa.

I had a busy weekend and I didn't realise until our game was over that Japan and Croatia had drawn 0-0. This means we are still in 2nd place in our group and only need a draw to proceed. It also means that after we were a goal down this morning, conceding any more goals didn't matter that much.

I'm working on a series of maps for the London Grid for Learning at the moment, and with the Cup on at night and this occupying me during the day, I am feeling very much the Citizen of the World. (The London Grid is the education body overseeing schools in the 33 boroughs of London, including 1.3 million kids. In just one borough they hail from 120 different nationalities).

Johnny Warren doco

I loved the biography of Johnny Warren on SBS last night. I have been aware of him as a soccer pundit but I knew nothing about his playing career. He was a bit of a ladies man as well. If this had been an Aussie Rules doco you can bet this would have been pushed to the fore, but here it was only evident because many of the people speaking warmly but honestly about him were captioned "ex de-facto wife" "ex-wife" and "girlfriend".

He was captain of the national soccer team in 1970, when we missed out on the World Cup by losing to North Korea. Before the 1974 cup he suffered a knee injury, and wasn't expected ever to come back. He was replaced as captain. He fought his way back from the injury to be selected again, and went to West Germany for the 1974 cup. He broke a bone in his foot in the first game and that was it.

He dedicated himself to spreading the word about soccer throughout Australia. I started playing in 1977. Without knowing it I probably benefited a lot from his efforts to improve standards of skills, fitness and coaching, and also to spread the game beyond its immigrant base in this country.

Johnny contracted lung cancer in 2002 and died in late 2004, six months too soon to see us qualify for this World Cup. It was very emotional to see the footage again of that match against Uruguay in Sydney the tribute to Johnny that preceded it, and see his family and friends there so overwhelmed by it all.

Good on you Johnny Warren.

Bee Crossings

From Elf: Marcus was crossing the 'roads' in the carpark with me and said... 'mum, these are really BEE crossings, not zebra crossings - see? they have yellow stripes instead of white ones'. This was said in his slow reflective way - more thought than spoken i think.

Australia 3 - Japan 1

Bloody amazing. A watershed day in Australian sport. We have one foot in the second round of the World Cup! I was amazed that the 3rd goal was treated by all analysts as a cherry on top of the cake. It is very likely we will need goal difference to go through to the next round, so this spare goal in extra time could be the most important one ever scored for Australia.

Someone else had this idea and I am going to nick it because I thought it was quite touching - here are all the old socceroos I can think of. Thank you to all of them for flying the flag in the tough times.

| Johnny Warren | Peter Wilson | Oscar Crino | Gabe Mendez | Jeff Olver | Alan Davidson | Robbie Zabica | Milan Blageovic | John Kosmina | Paul Wade | Aurelio Vidmar | Tony Vidmar | Damian Mori | Craig Foster | Ned Zelic | Charlie Yankos | Milan Ivanovic |

The blog has been off the air partly due to the World Cup and busy times at work. I'm afraid it will get worse before it gets better.

Playtpus sighting

We had a big outing to Mt Field National Park yesterday for the Queen's Birthday holiday. Its a beautiful drive way up into the Derwent Valley. When we got there we trotted off to have a look at beautiful Russell Falls, and everyone was very impressed (including Doggie).




Marcus with his chin stuck out, characteristic of one of his trying moods.

We had lunch there and pottered around a bit. There is a big clearing near the park office, and Marcus and I went for a stroll across and back. While we were coming back Elf was waving her arms and pointing up in the sky. There were two wedge-tail eagles circling above us, but some distance away. We kept a close eye on Michael for a while in case they took a fancy to him as a tidbit.

We drove back up the road to Something WIld, a new-ish wildlife sanctuary with big pictures of a platypus, tassie devil, wombat and wallaby out the front - Marcus called this the "menu". It might be coincidence but Marcus is starting to let his vegetarian thing slip a bit now.

Michael was generally disgraceful at Something WIld which detracted from the experience somewhat. But we did see a platypus in the wild - floating on the surface of the Tyenna River, taking his time and doing what platypi do. The sanctuary have made a lookout which unobtrusively overlooks a bend in the river, and the guide said that there is an 85% chance you will see a platypus there. We were thrilled, particularly Elf. They also have spotted quolls, forester kangas, pattable wombats and golden possums.

The drive home was lovely, there is something very beautiful about the Wellington Range when seen from up the Derwent Valley. The boys were fairly hyper from start to finish, and so it certainly wasn't a relaxing day, but it was good to get out and about and see something new.

International irritated by hard Australia

From Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf (translated badly by computer)

ROTTERDAM - international of the Dutch elftal had no well word after the oefeninterland against Australia (1-1) for the manner of game of the australiërs. "I found it too far go”, thus Phillip Cocu, which left the duel injured. "I am really a proponent of male football. But you do not have enter a game with the intention to kick players.”

Beside Phillip Cocu also Giovanni of Bronckhorst and Wesley Sneijder the duel - the last before the world championship starts football - concluded rather than planned. Van Bronckhorst hard was touched by wild a tackle of Luke Wilkshire. Sneijder injured themselves at a attempt a ball on the aim of Australia shoot.

Van Bronckhorst found the way on which Wilkshire did not continue on him normal. "If I do not ventilate half in had hung the moment he touched me, I had now been already on gone to house. I do not get why he did it. He got rid of the ball knullig, perhaps it was for this reason. But if how they contracted today the duels, then it seemed exactly or the WK for them see you already started were. I weet really not what their intention was.”

Cocu touched themselves injured by a hard tackle of mark Viduka. "I had the feeling which he touched me wilful. The ball was already. I bundle of it also real that I am injured now. I was exactly fit and had no more charge of my hamstring and was in fact entirely free of complaints. I want play a sharp game, but this went me really too far. I have also said after result against Hiddink that it beat nowhere on.”

Also ears Robben, which escaped some hard summary offences cunning, were not speak after the duel a lot concerning the hardness of Australia. "If you see how those Wilkshire continue on Van Bronckhorst... that is really a schande. Then have you no respect for each other. If you do something like that, then that stores nowhere.”

Bondscoach Marco van Basten were it nothing once with its international. He did not find that the australiërs exceeded against oranje a border: "Players who cannot against that, have a large problem in my eyes. We had in some cases much improve ourselves must arm.”

A distinct lack of respect

Michael has picked up a wide vocabulary of disrespectful sniping from his brother.

Michael: "I'm going to put you in the bin Mummy. And I'm going to put Daddy in the bin. And I'm going to put Marcus in the bin."
Elf: "What if I put you in the bin too?
Michael: "No, I'm going to stay in the big white car."

A large Betty Woods thanks

When you develop a new variety of plant, it appears you can name it whatever you want. I have here a Dazzling Daylilies catalogue. Choose from Honky Tonk Dream (large, cardinal red), Canadian Border Patrol (large, cream ivory with ruffled purple), Irving Schulman)large, deep lavender) or Betty Woods (large, double yellow).

Elf has a Better Homes and Gardens mag, with a special on screening plants. There is a new type of hedge called Goodbye Neighbours.

Burt's Buoy and Knipper explained

You may have read this morning's book report and thought - what the hell is a Knipper? Thanks to diligent word-hound Michael Lean of Surrey Hills, Victoria we now know this is a Knipper. I don't know where the K went.

Figure 55. Burt's nipper, invented by Peter Burt, a British ship builder, in 1818. It was used to keep the sounding line vertical in spite of the motion of the ship. It was used by the British Admiralty along with a device of the same type designed by Massey. Credit: Sailing for Science - the NOAA Fleet Then and Now.

Hope for the swede

I'm quoting someone else's news website here.

Oasis Juice Bar manager Anthony Trattos said Cyclone Larry hadn’t affected the business at all.
He said they would continue to use the same quantities of apples and bananas in their products for the same prices as before the cyclone. Mr Tomasel said in the long run Larry might increase demand for apples. 'But there will be a whole lot of other beneficiaries,' he said. 'Mandarins should do well when the season starts and it will influence the whole fruit and vegetable market.'

I hope the swede gets a much-needed boost from Larry too. Don't forget the swede is the offcial root vegetable of the 2006 FIFA World Cup©.

Icy walk

I nearly broke my neck slipping on the ice, on my way down the rivulet past the Female Factory this morning. It's been about 1° overnight. As I got to the top of the zigzag track I could see the river. What was interesting was that I couldn't see the other side at all. There is often a huge solid bank of river fog, with definite edges (called the Bridgewater Jerry). This morning it was thick enough to block out the Eastern Shore, but in such a way that if you had never seen the view before, you might think you were looking out to the open sea.

Book report: Barrow's Boys by Fergus Fleming

I read this book a couple of years ago and have just been noodling through it again. It is about the successes, failures and general lunacy of British exploration in Africa and particularly the Arctic in the nineteenth century. John Barrow was the Second Secretary of the Admiralty. He had a lot of firmly held (but wrong) ideas about geography, and he sent expeditions off to confirm his views. Some of the expeditions were successful. Some limped back in tatters, the missing members buried at sea or on lonely African riverbanks, eaten by lions or left adrift with no food on an ice floe and never seen again.

It's a rattling good non-fiction read. Here is a little exerpt - this is a some of the equipment packed on board Capt. John Ross's vessel the Isabella as it set off for a polar expedition in 1818.

"Henry Kater's pendulum for measuring the ellipticity of the earth, Mr Plentty's Cork Life Boat, Enflefield's Mountain Barometer and Companion, Burt's Buoy and Knipper, Trengrouse's Apparatus for Saving Lives, and Troughton's Whirling Horizon".

Family update

This blog has swerved into being really sporty of late, due to the Tigers winning games and the impending World Cup. You are probably wondering - what' in tarnation is going on with the family? Here is a quick run down.

I am throwing out stuff as fast as I can. And looking for a house to rent when our present abode is demolished.

Elf has thrown out a box of her dire confident-but-wistful novels. She has an enduring cold but is looking forward to making a leadlight window with Susan in Susan's shed.

Marcus has discovered the pocket calculator.

Michael is snatching, grabbing, squealing, and saying "I don't want that silly THING!" whenever offered something.

Gizmo had a bad few days with leg trouble, strange behaviour, and a brief disappearance. He still has a slight limp but otherwise seems very cheerful and back to normal.

Hattie's condition is the same. Bulky, dim but friendly.

Likes/Dislikes for Monday

Likes
Isthmuses
Archipelagoes
Bights
Estuaries

Dislikes
Islets
Inlets
Bays that aren't really bays
Trying to merge two maps with different projections
The whole northern coast of Siberia, because it is SO busy and there are all these big BIG offshore islands, but you know that whether you draw it really accurately or not, no-one will notice or care.

Stills from a short movie

Soccer fatwa

In June Saudi Arabia will be appearing at their third World Cup in a row. I have just come across thisfatwa or religious edict issued by the Saudi Arabian government in August last year to control soccer in their country. It's amusing but also scary, like most extreme fundamentalist rule-making. I am pretty sure it is genuine, but parts are almost too good to be true, Here are the highlights.

In the name of God the merciful and benevolent:
International terminology that heretics use, such as "foul," "penalty", "corner," "goal", "out" and others, should be abandoned and not said. Whoever says them should be punished and ejected from the game.

Do not call "foul" and stop the game if someone falls and sprains a hand or foot or the ball touches his hand, and do not give a yellow or red card to whoever was responsible for the injury or tackle. Instead, it should be adjudicated according to Sharia rulings concerning broken bones and injuries.

Do not follow the heretics, the Jews, the Christians and especially evil America regarding the number of players. Do not play with 11 people. Add to this number or decrease it.

If you have fulfilled these conditions and intend to play soccer, play to strengthen the body in order better to struggle in the way of God on high and to prepare the body for when it is called to jihad. Soccer is not for passing time or the thrill of so-called victory.

Do not play in two halves. Rather, play in one or three parts in order to completely differentiate yourselves from the heretics, the corrupted and the disobedient.

If neither of you beats the other, or "wins", as it is called, and neither puts the leather between the posts, do not add extra time or penalties. Instead leave the field, because winning with extra time and penalty kicks is the pinnacle of imitating heretics and international rules.

You should spit in the face of whoever puts the ball between the posts or uprights and then runs in order to get his friends to follow him and hug him like players in America or France do, and you should punish him, for what is the relationship between celebrating, hugging and kissing and the sports that you are practising?

You should use two posts instead of three pieces of wood or steel that you erect in order to put the ball between them, meaning that you should remove the crossbar in order not to imitate the heretics and in order to be entirely distinct from the soccer system's despotic international rules.

Clash of Traditional Rivals

The World Cup is nearly upon us, and the match we've all been waiting for is just around the corner. 19 Jun, 10:30pm (AEST), Togo v Switzerland. The long history of Togolese/Swiss sporting enmity is well known. In table tennis, synchronised swimming, badminton, luge, it's well known that the pace will be frenetic and the stakes high when these two nations are matched against one another.

Some say it goes back to the late 19th century when Togolese cocoa exporters and Swiss chocolate makers waged a fierce trade war that was settled with a game of tip'n'run cricket. Disagreement about a close run-out festered, such that today it is one of the world's pre-eminent sporting rivalries, as intense as England/Australia and Namibia/Rumania.

The people of Togo have always found the square flag of Switzerland annoying. They feel it demonstrates that the Swiss think they are special, above everyone else. For their part, the Swiss mock Togo for being a "funny-shaped" country, for their lack of interest in cheese and inability to make decent clocks.

The stage is set for a humdinger. Only 26 sleeps to go.

Football matters - May edition

Richmond won their 4th game from eight on the weekend, a remarkable performance against Adelaide. They were given no chance by anyone, but got three goals in front and then played very disciplined keepings-off for the rest of the afternoon. Their coach is now being demonised, accused of killing football. A lot of the people doing the accusing will be employing the same tactics any time they think it suits the situation and the players at their disposal.

However - I am a bit worried. I've just been doing some statistical analysis. We have won four games without ever winning very comfortably. We have been beaten four times and two were record-breaking floggings. Our percentage now is 70.7 - its a wooden spoon percentage. In fact, it is bad enough to be worse than 7 of the last 10 wooden spoons, even though we are just outside the top eight.

So, we have to win every close game. We are going to climb slowly and fall quickly this season, so we'd better keep climbing, or we might get splinters on our way down the ladder.

Frank outburst from Michael

As we tried to get Michael to eat something at dinner time last night, we must have pushed him a bit too far. "Mumble mumble mutter mutter DISGUSTING!!" I don't know if he meant the food, or our conduct in plonking him in his chair against his will.

Brant and Todd

Last night we watched the million-dollar interview with the surviving miners from the Beaconsfield rockfall. They spoke very well and came across as very genuine, intelligent men. Obviously they are both pretty tough guys or they would not have survived, but there was no false bravado about them. They were very open about the hard times they went through, when they were writing goodbye message to their families, and when Brant started to crack up and Todd threatened to kiss him if he didn't settle down.

I hope they have long happy lives above ground, and that we never hear from them again. They don't seem like guys whose idea of happiness is being on Dancing With The Stars five years from now. It's possible their $1.3m each commits them to popping up on various Channel Nine shows that need a ratings boost.

I thought Tracey Grimshaw did generally very well. Some kind of illustration of their situation in the cage (apart from the one Brant scribbled on a serviette for us) would have been helpful. They showed one briefly from about two weeks ago which turns out to have been incorrect - they had nowhere near as much space as everyone thought. We got very tired of the helicopter footage of the mine head they used to pad the whole thing to two hours. I think in the trade its called helicopter pad.

Grooving with viruses

I love a list, and fortunately, I know you love a list too. Here are some of my favourite viruses, with thanks to Wikispecies, the new complete directory of all known life forms. Keep your eye out for the fetching but deadly Potato Mop-Top and the sneaky but ingenious Tomato Bushy Stunt.

Potato yellow dwarf virus
Infectious salmon anemia virus
Tomato spotted wilt virus
Cricket paralysis virus
Parsnip yellow fleck virus
Rice tungro spherical virus
Cowpea mosaic virus
Tobacco ringspot virus
Barley yellow mosaic virus
Sweet potato mild mottle virus
Wheat streak mosaic virus
Swine vesicular exanthema virus
Striped jack nervous necrosis virus
Tomato bushy stunt virus
Tobacco streak virus
Cucumber mosaic virus
Lettuce infectious yellows virus
Potato leafroll virus
Tobacco ratte virus
Potato mop-top virus
Peanut clump virus
Raspberry bushy dwarf virus
Southern bean mosaic virus
Indian citrus ringspot virus
Apple stem grooving virus

Mt Ossa - equal time for believers

In the spirit of fairness, I am obliged to report that Meredith Newton, of Summer Hill, NSW, claims to have climbed Mt Ossa. (See previous post)

I offer no comment on this except to observe that Ms Newton has been known to iron clothes while wearing them.

Beetroot is a kind of food

We were talking about bushfires. Marcus remembered hearing me talk to James about the last bushfires on Mt Wellington, probably in summer 2004-5 I think.

Marcus: You were talking to someone about Mt Wellington when we were at Thomas and Beetroot's house.
Me:[Snort out my nose]...ah, her name is Beatrice.
Marcus: Oh. That's right, beetroot is a kind of FOOOOOOOOD.

Kinder visit takes me back to 1974

Elf and I went along to kinder yesterday for a sort of open half-day. It was good to have a better look around than I had before. I was amazed how many distant primary school memories started seeping into my consciousness.

About a dozen tables were set up with different activities for kids to do with their parents. One of them was stacking little square connecting blocks on each other. They are very simple blocks, and all you can do is build a tower with them. The thing makes them so engaging especially with boys, is that the blocks come in all the footy club colours. I was transported back to Burnie Primary circa 1974, when I would make black and yellow (Burnie Tigers) dark blue and light blue (Penguin Blues) and green and yellow (Cooee Bulldogs) towers.

Marcus had to wash his hands at one stage and took me out to show me the bathroom. I have seen the bathrooms at Friends modern daycare centre, but this one was a genuine state school bathroom with concrete floor and very basic tiny sinks and toilets. It was all startlingly familiar to me in every detail.

Mt Ossa - an elaborate hoax?

Supposedly the highest mountain in Tasmania (at a piddly 5305 feet), I am beginning to suspect Mt Ossa doesn't exist. Does anyone out there know anyone who has climbed it? Has anyone even seen it? Does its majestic outline feature on any souvenir teatowels?

I say no, no and no. Because, ladies and gentlemen, Mt Ossa is a massive hoax, perpetrated by the well-known Spanish motorcycle and film projector manufacturers as a publicity stunt. This was a well-deserved failure, as apart from many Tasmanian high schools buying the hopeless projectors, sales failed to ensue.

Mothers Day

We had a visit from my old mate Cam, his wife Sarah and their daughter Jasmine on Sunday. Cam and I were soccer team-mates for a long time, a long time ago. We talked about the possibility of getting a new indoor soccer team together - I need something to keep fit in the lawn bowls off-season. [Joke].

Jas is in the same room as Marcus at daycare, and they get on pretty well. There is another Jasmine there who is OK, but not quite in the best friends category. Of course I put the invitation in the wrong Jasmine's pigeonhole, but luckily I saw Sarah on the way out, mentioned it to her and she tracked it down.

Jas plays very well with Michael too. he loves getting a chance to run around in the big kids room. I always fetch him first at Friends, then we go along to get Marcus. All of the kids respond to Michael - some want to hug him and some want to herd him into the corner and pelt him with cushions. I get the impression he is quite popular with the older kids because he can talk so well. He is also reading things, which is alarming.

We went to Citrus Moon for Mothers Day, but I think we will do something nice at home in future. Too crowded, slow service etc. We do love CM but maybe not for special occasions. And they have mysteriously shrunk their kids room by putting a partition across it. The boys both made purple mothers day cards, which were well received.

I have a backlog of Marcus' excellent drawings which I have meant to scan and put here. Stay tuned.

FA Cup

I watched West Ham, the team I have followed since I was seven, play in one of the greatest FA Cup Finals on Saturday night. Liverpool were overwhelming favourites but in 15 minutes of madness early in the first half West Ham were leading them 2-0. Liverpool came back into it solely through the genius of Steven Gerrard, who made and scored three goals, the last in injury time to level the scores 3-3. Extra time was excruciating, but not for the usual reason of pointlessly extending a boring 0-0 match. All subs had been used and both teams had hobbling injured players, some hardly moving at all. Marlon Harewood had a gilt-edged chance to win it for West Ham from two metres out, but could only wave his gammy leg at the ball.

It went to penalties. Pepe Reina had played a dog of a game in goals for Liverpool, but redeemed himself magnificently by saving 3 of West Ham's penalties and winning the game for Liverpool.

Although my team lost, it was a completely exhilarating game and I did not sleep for hours afterwards.

Marcus says...

How does God drive around?

If someone's leg comes off and they get a new one, how do they know how to walk?

What if someone's head comes off and they get a new head?

What would you like to do after kinder on Wednesday?
Maybe if the sun doesn't warm our planet we might be able to go up and play in the snow.

Merchant Navy Ranks

Here are some of the Australian Merchant Navy ranks I found listed. I am keen to know what the hell some of these folks actually DID. Donkeyman Greaser? Come on!

As some ranks are patently made up to embarrass those who were saddled with them, I thought I'd join in. I have added one that I made up myself. Please email me if you think you know which one.

Bosun
Cattleman
Cleaner
Deck Attendant
Deck Boy
Deck Man
Donkey Man
Donkeyman Greaser
Donkey Boy
Extra Purser
Fireman Greaser
Fireman Trimmer
Fireman Wiper
Foam Steward
Galley Boy
Greaser
Hairdresser
Linen Keeper
Messman
Motorman
Musician
Night Watch
Oil Burner
Pantry Man
Room Boy 
Saloon Boy
Scullion
Section Man
Wiper
Youngman

As I would no longer qualify as a Youngman I think I would probably settle for being a Scullion. I believe that involves polishing the figurehead's nose.

Team sports

On Saturday we had a run in the park next to the soccer ground. There was a game on, and we decided to walk back to the car the long way and have a look at it. We ended up sitting in the grandstand and watching the next game for a little while too. Marcus was really getting into it, so we took Elf and Michael home and returned to watch most of the rest. He asked good questions and maintained his interest for most of the game. One of the teams was Kingborough, where I played for three years before Marcus was born. He was excited that it was my team, and took their ups and downs to heart accordingly.

I hope he'll play some kind of team sport when he's a bit older. I played soccer for many years so at least I'll be able to teach him something if that's the way he wants to go, but something else might take his fancy.

I actually regret not having a go at Aussie Rules at some stage when I was young. I love watching it and follow it more closely now than I ever have, but if I had played even one season, I think I would understand it more deeply. I always enjoyed the team environment a lot, and I think it taught me all sorts of good things.

Moon Street, Moolap

I bought Marcus a book about a ladybird who falls out of her tree, and has to use the Tree Directory in her apron pocket to find her way home. Each page has a map and a little story, she meets characters who give her hints, and after each page you have to look up a branch, twig or stem in the directory at the back, eg Fruity Way - Map 5 E4, or Termite Tunnel - Map 2 G1, or Blossom Drive - Map 11 A3. Marcus loved it, but had a bit of trouble understanding the grid reference part. The maps were fairly simple and not too big, and he could usually find the street without needing to grasp the reference bit.

Since he is interested in maps, I thought I’d push it a little further, and I got out the Melbourne UBD and showed him how to find my old street in Elwood, May Street. On a UBD page there is about a thousand streets, so he understood the need to use the reference to concentrate on a square.

Anyway - I ended up looking up streets with funny names for him to find, and I have decided to call this new game Moon Street, Moolap, which was one of the first ones.

Here is a sample (you may want to look these up to verify).
Marcus St 7 A1
Michael St 11 K10
Catjump St 48 G1
Dog Lane 66 D9
Moon St 68 A9
Lion St 45 A9 ... that's about where we ran out of puff.

Leftover from Easter

My friend Mike's kids had this conversation just before Easter

Cooper: Jesus got deaded but then God magiced him back to life.
Mackenzie: I didn't know about the magiced bit.
Cooper: Yeah, yeah but it was after they put him behind the big Easter egg but he pushed it out of the way.

Correspondence Courses, 1955

Once again I have been indulging in time travel by reading old magazines. The ever-reliable September 1955 Sporting Life issue has an advert for Stott's Correspondence Courses. The names of the courses are very evocative of the times. Its obvious that there were still lots of jobs in agriculture. Among their offerings in 1955 were;

Backward Adults
Buttermakers' Exam.
Boiler Attendants
Dairy Supervisors
Dynamo Attendants
Expressive English
Herd Testers' Exam.
Police Entrance Exam.
Radio [For Amateurs]
Shire Engineers' Exam.
Shire Clerks' Exam.
Salesmanship
Stammerers
Steam Engineering
Window Dressing

Beaconsfield

We have started listening to/watching the news again since the Beaconsfield mine disaster happened. The survival of the two guys was astonishing luck. It is tragic for the family of Larry Knight, but all the locals up there seem to be walking the fine line of celebrating survival while mourning his death pretty respectfully.

There was a great story this morning that Todd Russell has asked for Saturday's paper to be sent down so he could look for a new job. Its a bit odd that there are heaps of photos and stories about him floating around, but not much abour Brant Webb who is trapped there with him. Either the family are very private, or some public relations firm got in quick and tied up an exclusive to keep all the best pics and details locked away for a New Idea or Current Affair story.

Bus Adventure

Marcus and I went off on a bus adventure on Saturday morning, while Elf took Michael to a birthday party. We caught the bus across the road that goes into town. Then we just wandered about the bus mall until we found a bendy bus - one of the long articulated ones with the accordion on the middle. It was going to Seven Mile Beach via Eastlands. We would have got into trouble with Elf if we'd gone all the way to the beach so we got off at Eastlands, wandered around and then had a babycino. After a while we wandered back to the bus stop, where all the buses go to the city. We had to wait a long time - it appears the timetable is only a rough indication of what to expect, and the drivers improvise on the theme like jazz saxophonists. Marcus is loving his adding-and-subtracting book so much, I set him some maths problems to pass the time.

Once back in town we realised we had missed our bus home by 3 and a half minutes, so we entertained ourselves in Franklin Square for nearly an hour and caught the next one. With meagre ingredients like seagulls, leaves, statues and a giant chessboard with no chessmen, we managed to eke out the time without resorting to mathematics. We both enjoyed the bus adventure very much. It was a novelty to sit next to each other (instead of me in front and him behind) and be able to point out things to him. If you've never sat in the middle of a bendy bus when it goes around a tight bend, you should try it. Its a reasonably cheap thrill.

Gizmo's Ears

Gizmo's ears have been looking very ratty lately. He had a cut on one that seemed infected and he was very touchy about it. Elf took him to the vet today, and it's much worse than I thought. He has squamous-cell carcinomas on both ears, and will have to have them almost completely taken off to prevent the cancer spreading. He'll be left with "teddy bear ears" - little flaps to protect his sensitive inner ears somewhat. The op might be tomorrow or the next day, so the poor fella is going to be sleeping at the vet's for two or maybe three nights. On the upside his general health is good and his heart particularly seems strong, so his chances of surviving the general anaesthetic are very good, for a cat his age. He is very old.

I was given Giz by a friend in about 1992 or 93, and he was already 2 or 3 years old. which would make him something like 16. I feel quite guilty about my general neglect of Gizmo since we have had kids. He has been a devoted mate to me for all this time, and now I find it so hard to spend much time with him. I am beating myself up about his ears, as I'm sure if I had checked them sooner he might not need to have the operation. I know he is in his autumn years, and have tried to prepare myself and the kids for the day when he's not around.

Our vet is Mary Bennett, who I have known since we were about 5 in Burnie. We seemed to be in the same class every year from that age to when we went to Uni, and even then we spent our first year at the same residential college. We haven't always seen eye to eye, but as we've matured we've rubbed along a lot better. Our kids get on well too, and her husband Simon is a terrific bloke. As it happened we went to their daughter Miranda's pirate party on Sunday. They love organising parties, and they do it very well. They hired a 20m long hall, and had an actual pirate ship in there. It was great. They both talked like pirates for several hours without slipping out of character.

Marcus was hopeless for the first half an hour. He would not join in, and mooched about with his shoulders pushed up around his ears. We just don't know what to do with him at times. I was a fairly shy kid myself, so I understand how he feels, but I wish he would give things a chance a bit more readily. He eventually got into it to the extent that when it was over, and people started drifting away, we had ANOTHER scene because he wanted it to keep going. I would have happily sold him to any passing gypises (or pirates) at that moment. Michael had a great time from go to whoa, in his bouncy-puppy kind of way. I wonder if he too will go through a serious young insect stage like Marcus is.

Football matters

I have to mention the Richmond Tigers. I was struck by a warm wave of optimism watching them play Carlton the other night. Although they were behind, all their young players were firing and suddenly the future for Richmond seemed brighter to me than for many years. They went on to win their second game on the trot, and suddenly the two losses before that don't seem so bad in retrospect. I'd better stick the new bumper sticker on the car while the streak lasts.

Some entries in this blog are meant to serve as general diary notes for me to look back on. I want to make a note about the York Park fiasco on Sunday, when the umpires didnt hear the final siren and let St Kilda score a point to draw with Fremantle.

1) St Kilda were absolutely terrible and this fills me with joy
2) The umpires have fudged it. Obviously SOME of them DID hear it but they have got their story straight since and now claim to have ALL been unaware it had gone.
3) The AFL are going to have a hearing tomorrow to decide if Freo should actually get the 4 premiership points and St Kilda none. It will be interesting to see if the principle of fairness (give it to Freo who earned it) over-rides the practical difficulties (footy tipping, betting, counter-protests and court actions etc). I think Freo have no chance in hell.

A Late Footy Time Capsule.
Final 8 - West Coast, Sydney, Collingwood, Adelaide, Western Bulldogs, St Kilda, Hawthorn, Richmond
GF - West Coast d Collingwood
Coleman Medal - Barry Hall, Sydney
Brownlow Medal - Dean Cox, WC
Norm Smith Medal - Chris Judd, WC